Children need their Dads too!

I’ve seen two very heartbreaking scenarios regarding dads of divorce and their children. One is with my youngest son, who wanted nothing more in this world than to have his father’s love. Only to be rejected and hurt time and again. He wanted weekend visits, but he wasn’t welcome. He would call with no answer. No birthday cards, no Christmas presents. No visits, no phone calls, no contact for 4 years. It was so painful for him and nothing I did helped get through to his dad. He was angry with me over the divorce and with many excuses; he took it out on our son.

On the other side, I know of wonderful, devoted, loving dads who want to be as involved in their children’s lives as physically possible. They are just as much a parent as any mother is. However, these same great men have been denied the access, physically and emotionally to their own children. The motives of these children’s mothers are usually to punish and hurt an ex-husband or boyfriend. However the children are the ones who are ultimately hurt the most. In my opinion it is just plain spiteful, selfish and cruel. I have never understood these women.

I could never deny my children of their father’s love. In fact, I have always encouraged visitation, shared holidays, phone calls, any contact because I felt they needed and were lucky to have both parents. I wouldn’t think of not inviting or welcoming my child’s dad to a school function or activity. It’s the right thing to do. I feel we need to treat people the way we would want to be treated if the situation were reversed.

It meant the world to my youngest son when his dad came to his high school graduation this past year. He hadn’t seen him in 4 years. I could have been bitter and bad mouthed or not made him or his family feel welcome. But I would never do that, instead I was very appreciative of them coming and should have been. They came for my son and it made him very happy. That’s what matters!

If I would not have had the right attitude or treated them well, then why would my ex-husband want to have a relationship with his son, if he had to deal with an angry, spiteful ex-wife every time? Right or wrong, I am sure that is why some men just give up trying and walk away. If I had acted badly, my son would have only been hurt again and this time it would have been completely my fault.

I wish some mothers, and fathers too, would see the damage they cause their children, when they make it difficult for the other parent to be involved in their lives. Children can never have too many people love them. And if a child has 2 parents that can be involved in their lives, they are very lucky. Ask any child who has lost a parent or a parent who has lost their spouse and now raising their children alone.

"Children can't never have too many people who love them in their lives. Don't deny them of that love out of anger or bitterness." - Coreen Trost @ VelvetOverSteel.blogspot.com