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"Fill your mind with light, happiness, hope, feelings of security and strength, and soon your life will reflect these qualities." ~Unknown

Email me anytime: coreen.velvetoversteel@gmail.com

"The Greatest gift that you can give to others is the gift of unconditional love and acceptance!" ~Brian Tracy

All post and stories are the sole property of Velvet Over Steel aka Coreen Trost. I write and create post in order to help others, so share as you want. I just ask that you link back or give VOS credit. Some of the stories are going into a book in progress. Thank You ALL.. for your support and help!!
"If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader." ~ John Quincy Adams

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Rejecting Viciousness

I used to think that if I didn't add to a negative or vicious conversation that I wasn't doing anything wrong.  However I realized that not rejecting or speaking up when someone says something negative or mean about someone else, is almost as bad as saying it in the first place. 

I have a very different perspecitve after seeing and experiencing what my son has gone through with preconceived notions and ignorance.  I feel if our 'gut' and 'conscious'  is telling us that something is 'wrong' then we need to listen and 'speak up'.  Telling someone you think something is mean or even vicious, when you really feel that it is, is the right thing to do.  It may or may not change their oppinion or actions.  But they will at least realize that not everyone feels the same way they do or thinks they are funny. 

It's the same way with bullying.  We have seen a lot of horrible consequences of that in the news lately.  If we as parents teach our children that it's wrong and that it won't be tolerated by us; maybe our children will 'reject' the harmful actions of their peers.  It has to start somewhere and I feel that it all starts with the power of the word being used negatively.  Even a mean joke that one person thinks is funny can lead to more and more things being said to try and top the last words that were spoken.  Leading to vicious words and bullying.  Causing emotional harm, depression and worse. 

It took me a while, except for where my children our concerned of course.  The 'tiger' in me comes out right away then.  However with co-workers and friends I kept my opinions to myself most of the time.  Recently thought I have felt that I'm not being true to myself and my beliefs.  In fact, I realized that I wasn't being any better a person if I did not stand up for those who aren't there to stand up for themselves. 

Yesterday, I heard a radio show where the DJ's were talking about a local lottery winner.  He was a father of 3 down on his luck and $36 in his checking account when he won.  The man had been on the news this weekend talking about paying bills and taking care of his children.  Even getting his teeth fixed.  Something he couldn't put in front of taking care of his children.  My son says 'How nice.  It sounds like he really need the money and that's a nice thing.'  Then we got to the school and my son got out of the car and went in.

The radio DJ's kept talking and I was greatful my son was no longer in the car.  They proceded to make fun of the appearingly genuine and kind man.  He gave no indication that he was anything else.  Not that anything would be an excuse for what these 2 men continued to do.  They made joke after joke about what the lottery winner said, about his children, his circumstances, even his teeth.  They both thought they were very funny.  And what I felt was even worst, was that they felt they had the right to make fun of him.  They had callers call in to add to their jokes and vicious humor.  I was so appalled and outraged!!  I made a phone call and sent an email.  Not sure if it will change anything.  However I did what my 'gut' and 'conscious' told me too.

This was my son's favorite radio station; but it's not allowed on in my car or home again.  Once I explained it to my son, he totally agreed!  We talked for a long time about what we can do to 'regect' these types of conversations and behaviors.  I am really going to make a 'conscious' choice to speak up and explain how I see it.  I know that's a good choice!
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36 comments:

  1. way to go...now that is parenting at its best...you did not just forbid it, you explained it. and i agree, i think some just try to make themselves feel better by destroying others...

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  2. It's people who act that way about other people are the insecure people, they have to get into the limelight somehow.....unfortunately that is the only way they know.

    Yvonne.

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  3. Coreen this is why I so relate to you, and understand what you mean and are saying. I am the same way and find that as I am getting older I have less and less tolerance for ignorance. You have taught your boys so well, and I can only hope to do the same....so far so good. They notice when people are mean to others, and have stood up for it. They may get caught in the middle someday, but that's OK, they will feel good about who they are. Thanks Coreen for the great story this morning!

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  4. I am with you all the way. Sometimes the voices like those on the radio are so overwhelming and can make people feel like speaking up is useless, but it's not. One small voice at a time can help.

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  5. I have learned during my years that people who mock others, especially in the case of this lottery winner, are "haters" who are jealous. That, to me, is very common. But, those who mock others who are less than fortunate usually hate themselves, and I agree with World of Poetry, it's deep seated insecurity issues that make people do things like these. There's a lot of cruelty out there, and sometimes sadly, in our own homes. When someone hates themselves so much, they can't possibly have love for anybody else. Like the old saying goes, if you can't love yourself, how the hell are ya gonna love anybody else?"

    Great post! Thank you!

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  6. Why on earth would they feel a need to mock that poor man?! I agree with you and would probably have phoned them too. :-)

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  7. Good for you for taking a stand. I have honestly realized that the easy way out is to say nothing at all, the hard part is actually finding the courage to speak up and tell someone they are being hurtful and just plain mean. I am so thankful for people like you that take a stand.

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  8. Coreen, did you know that in government, and big buisness, one letter counts for 100? The thinking is that one in 100 will actually take the time and initiative to sit down and write, even though many feel the same way. Your letter will have results, even if you do not see them first hand. Someone is going to read it and there will be consequences. Good for you. Rosemary

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  9. Way to go, Coreen! I couldn't agree with you more. I get sick to my stomach when someone gets ruthlessly bullied and/or made fun of. I also agree with it being just as bad to sit there and let it happen, even if you are just keeping quiet to "keep the peace". Standing by while others are tortured is not a peaceful act at all. Good move with the radio and your parenting! Karen

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  10. One of my favorite sayings is stand for something and be something or stand for nothing and be nothing...

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  11. You spoke truth to your son and he received it. That is such a good thing. You should feel proud for the both of you. Viciousness is a choice and to stand against it is a choice too....a brave and courageous choice.
    Hugs
    SueAnn

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  12. What a wonderful example you are. I agree that the radio station was horrible. I cannot believe that their listeners would stand for that. Someone who so obviously needs the money had such a great blessing, and did the best he could. I am happy for him and disgusted by the radio program. Good for you for teaching your son the right thing to do. Standing up to others is so hard, though.

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  13. I'm glad you took action. It may be a small act and it may not change anything but then again, it very well may!

    I've been the victim too many times of people's jokes and cruelty. Other people looked the other way and did nothing so that's what I've pretty much tended to do when I've seen it happen to other people.

    I should really follow your example next time!

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  15. Good for you, Coreen, to write such a beautiful post. I believe every act of kindness makes a difference. What a great Mom you are to your boys'and the values you are teaching them. Keep up the great posts! Hugs to you! :)

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  16. agree with you 200%....sometimes these guys really go out of focus... and needless to say ..i am proud of you ...

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  17. Dear Coreen,

    I just love your post today! Good for you for standing up for what you believe in. It is really sad that the DJ had to use being
    mean spirited as an excuse for humor. I am certain that there were others who felt as you did sweet lady. You are such a great Mom))))))))))))

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  18. Ignorance has been a part of life for my family having an autistic daughter. We get shunned often and people will sometimes tut at us when they see us just walking along the pavement. I have had to speak to Amy recently about being autistic but I know this isn't the same thing you are talking about.

    CJ xx

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  20. My Asperger son came home from school the other day and said, "Mom, I don't like school because a lot of the kids think they have made a major accomplishment by putting someone down. They think they've done a good thing by making someone else feel badly." I was sorry to have to tell him that you can't escape this by being out of school because many grown-ups do the same thing!

    I blame parents for not teaching their kids that this behavior is unacceptable.

    I also don't hesitate to tell kids I see treating each other poorly that what they are doing is not OK. Kids stop and rethink what they are doing when an adult points out to them that it isn't right.

    Too bad grown-ups don't take as kindly to a reproach on their rude, demeaning behavior.

    I've also noticed that much in our media is crude and disrespectful. I think it sends a clear message that being rude, derogatory, demeaning etc. is desirable behavior. If this trend in our media continues, and parents continue to allow the media and schools and everyone but themselves parent then we will have a crisis in our social behavior in a decade or so.

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  21. Good for you for standing up for what is right!!!
    I just don't know when making fun of someone to get a laugh became so popular but you can bet that most of those people would never say those things about someone if they we standing next to them. That is the rule for me. If I wouldn't say it to someones face or with them sitting next to me than I probably shouldn't say it.
    Thanks for stopping by and for your sweet comments!!

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  22. Very nice post. I agree, sometimes people are just needlessly cruel. I'm glad you took action on something you believed was wrong.

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  23. Yes! We should stand up against cruelty! You are so right...what passes for humor is often not very funny...it is simply unkind. You are truly admirable! ~Janine XO

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  24. I have always wondered why htey put those morons on the air. I remember when Howard Stern was considered "vogue" and never understood why the FCC just didn't fine him out of existance. I am glad you took a stand. I think it is something we all should do when we have the opportunity. Good for you and good for your son, for turning into such a grancious youngman.
    BTW I think that alot of bullying also has to do with jealousy. What would be the reason to pick on this man except for the fact that he has alot of money now. In today's economy it is very apparent just how mean and nasty and jealous people can be.

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  25. Good on you!

    One would think that they would be more responsible in what they say since they are on the air, with many people tuning in... It's another thing if they have that same conversation off the air, but it's not nice either.

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  26. Hi! I’m a new follower from Friday Follower, glad I found ya! Please follow me back. Thanks!

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  27. lovely post, following from friday follow. i recently got into a situation where someone (an old close friend actually) was very mean to me publically on facebook. i posted about it on my blog http://www.familysanityreviews.com/2010/04/strike-balance-or-pose-if-youre-madonna.html. I had to defend myself and then beat myself up for allowing myself to get sucked into the drama of it. I realized she was mean in high school and 20 years later nothing has changed. I have no need for that energy in my life.

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  28. Great post, and I completely agree with you!

    Following from Friday Follow

    www.lifeofamodernmom.com

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  29. You are so right. Sometimes saying nothing is just as bad as saying something. If we walk in the Spirit, open to God's wisdom and discernment, we will know when to speak and when to keep quiet. Thanks for a great post and God bless.

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  30. You are such a good mom! ;0) With my oldest in middle school, I am shocked and disturbed by the incredible level of viciousness, especially among the girls. Is it any wonder when our society glorifies humiliating and attacking others -- all in good "humor." If it's unattractive in middle schoolers, it's downright disgusting in "men." Blech.

    Thanks so much for your kind words on my blog and for following me. I love your blog, too! This post made me feel like we definitely think alike! ;0) Following you now, too ... on Twitter, too!

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  31. You know...there was a radio station here that did the same thing! It was mean and crude...and made me so angry! Good for you for putting yourself out there to speak up for what you believe in!!

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  32. I couldn't agree more with this. I always speak up. And...I've lost a friend or two. Then again...what kind of friend might that have actually been...really?

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  33. Happy belated FF!

    I'm your newest follower! If you get a chance, would you please follow me too at http://www.mommylivingthelifeofriley.com

    Have a great day!

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  34. Thank you for this post, Coreen.I sometimes think civility has completely left us. When I taught, I saw so many instances of bullying in the schoolyard, it made me sick. However, it's more important to look at ourselves and seek out those traces of meanness in our own thinking and actions.For me, it's easy to point fingers at people who bully others, but much more difficult to see my own actions in that light.

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  35. Following you from friday follow.

    http://www.mommyblessingsinsmallbundles.com/

    Jeanette Huston
    chewysmum79@yahoo.com

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  36. It's one thing for immature children to bully, but it is sad but true that many adults bully their way through life too. Only by people standing up to them will they learn that their behavior is unacceptable. I'm glad you took the time to send an email and letter to the radio station. No doubt the scoffers and scorners will ignore you, but at least you stood up and were counted.

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