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All post and stories are the sole property of Velvet Over Steel aka Coreen Trost. I write and create post in order to help others, so share as you want. I just ask that you link back or give VOS credit. Some of the stories are going into a book in progress. Thank You ALL.. for your support and help!!
"If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader." ~ John Quincy Adams

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

The 7 Lies We Tell Ourselves.... By: Eric J. Leech

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Humans are great liars, telling an average of 1,000 lies per year to others – but the number of lies we tell ourselves is much higher. People often don’t even realize that they’re lying. It’s almost a protective reaction to help us feel better about ourselves and the world around us. While some people think that this reaction is quite innocent, the seven lies I’m about to introduce you to can actually be quite harmful.

Lie #1: I must have the love and approval of others. Many people desire the approval of others, but it’s a hurtful lie when we build our lives around satisfying others, without taking our own needs into consideration.

Lie #2: Happiness is caused by external events I have no control over. Believing that we have no control over our own happiness sets us on the road to unhappiness. This is the lie that tells us that good things only happen to lucky people, and we just aren’t lucky.

Lie # 3: Things must be the way that I want in order to be happy. We all have goals in life, but when the outcome of your goals dictates your happiness, you are no longer living with reasonable expectations.

Lie # 4: My happiness is defined by my accomplishments. Many people’s egos urge them to believe that their value and happiness are defined by their accomplishments in life. This may include a raise at work, a softball championship, or winning an argument with a spouse.

Lie #5: To be liked/loved, I must be agreeable. Some folks just can’t say no. Perhaps they’ve said it a time or two, seen the resulting disappointed faces, and vowed to be a yes person. The problem here is that we end up giving up our own life to enhance that of others. While this may appear to be truly generous, it is mostly destructive.

Lie #6: If I had time, I’d… People are always telling themselves that they don’t have time to do the things they truly want to. There are two problems with this. One, this is often an excuse designed to give us an easy way out of our fears of failure, and two, if we are truly that busy, you need to heed the advice in Lie #5.
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Lie #7: A little white lie never hurt anyone, including myself. This is one of the biggest lies of all because it perpetuates unhappiness. If you try to protect yourself from life by lying, you are only hurting yourself worse. Sometimes in life we must experience pain and disappointment to find true success, love, and happiness. Life wouldn’t be worthwhile if it was easy.  By: Eric J. Leech

What are your favorite lies that people tell themselves… or should stop telling lies?
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  1. My lie is that I do not have to prepare anything special for the boys because everything is going to be ok. The past year was a wake up call,not because they are not making tremendous progress but because we need to grow up and prepare for every eventuality. So we have come up with a new plan and decided to become adults and deal with the reality of the future and realizing that the negative financial changes we incurred this past year were really a blessing.Truly

  2. Good advice!! I never thought about it that way. Lies we tell ourselves...we are a pathetic lot aren't we? I must work on that this year. My fear of failure is high on my list. Must defeat that one! It is a monster.

  3. Lying to myself would be living in a fantasy life and not being present in my real life. It has taken me time and hard work to be honest with myself and face things head on and not hide when things get tough.

  4. I'm guilty of #5 but no sadness, I love giving to other people. The lie I hear and hate the most: "I am not worthy." Bull hockey, everyone is worthy, step up to the podium and take it :)
    Jules @ Trying To Get Over The Rainbow

  5. Oh man--these are good ones. #6 is one I struggled with when I was younger.

    Love your posts--I always find I can use the information in my every day life!

  6. This is a wonderufl list and I agree with it all.

  7. It's nice to reaffirm good thoughts as I read you. :) Have a happy day, Coreen!

  8. The sixth lie reminded me of a song "If I Only Had Time" recorded in the 60/70 era. The words of the song was so similar to yours, most inspirational post.


  9. Lie #6: If I had time, I’d…

    ^^^Oh yes, I used to tell that to myself all the time! And now that I've been off work for a long time, I know better!

    I think we all tell little white lies sometimes. A friend asked me if her hair looked ok and personally, I thought it looked awful because she doesn't really know how to take care of it. But I didn't want to hurt her feelings so I told her it looked fine. I figured it wasn't as bad of a lie if I didn't tell her it looked great when it really didn't.

  10. I followed #4 for too many years after my divorce. I worked hard --and accomplished ALOT... In many ways, I put my job in front of my kids and in front of myself. I was definitely measuring my happiness on my accomplishments.... FINALLY though I woke up and realized that all of these accomplishments truly didn't make me happy. I started taking care of ME --and looking for someone to share my life with... When I met George, my entire life changed. And --I finally found happiness.


  11. brilliant post... !! all the lies wrapped together really well... :)..

  12. This is so true.

    That's why I think it's so important to live consciously and not just follow along like sheep.

    Then maybe we can catch when we are doing these little lies to make us feel better or able to say something when we see love ones falling into the gap.

  13. I think I definitely have done the "if I have time" when, in reality, it is about prioritizing and using the time I have better.

    It is also difficult to realize that I don't have to be agreeable. In fact, often, people are easier to like when they are honest and that means not always agreeing to everything.


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