Life changing true stories told to encourage, empower and inspire us!

Bookmark and Share

"Fill your mind with light, happiness, hope, feelings of security and strength, and soon your life will reflect these qualities." ~Unknown

Email me anytime:

"The Greatest gift that you can give to others is the gift of unconditional love and acceptance!" ~Brian Tracy

All post and stories are the sole property of Velvet Over Steel aka Coreen Trost. I write and create post in order to help others, so share as you want. I just ask that you link back or give VOS credit. Some of the stories are going into a book in progress. Thank You ALL.. for your support and help!!
"If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader." ~ John Quincy Adams

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Control vs. Trust - Define your Relationship

In my past, I was married to someone who was very controlling and manipulative.  I tried to understand them, help them, even tried to change them.  But it was a losing battle for many reasons. 

We both had many issues from our childhood's that effected our adult relationships.   I was the weaker one, with low self-esteem.  He was the stronger one with lots of 'trust' issues.  Or lack of trust, so he tried to make up for that with the same abusive tactics that he was raised with.  He demanded his version of respect with manipulation, fear and even force. 

He used the fear that I couldn't take care of my children financially, without him.  He made horrible threats that I don't even want to put into writing at this time.  Too horrendous to even imagine if you weren't there and lived through it.  Which I am grateful and even amazed that I did.  Looking back, it had to be my faith in God and the love for my children that got me through those years. 

Trust has been a Hugh issue for me, from many past relationships all the way back to my childhood.  I was way too trusting and naive most of my life.  Always focusing on the good and ignoring the bad, until it almost took my soul and nearly my life.  It has taken me 5 years to trust my own heart and intuition again.  A long road to a better me and well worth the travel to get here.  I can now see all the needed steps to the life lessons and personal growth I've experienced. 

Now that I'm at this point in my growth, about 2/3 to where I am going to be in the end, I can see and even feel what other people are going through.  At least people I care about and feel connected to for one reason or another.  I worry about them and want to help them.  Even if it's just by understanding what they are going through or being here for them if and when they need a friend, an ear, a hug or all three. 

I would not have made it through all the trials in my life without friends I could trust in my life.  No way!  They were amazing and genuinely cared about me.  They didn't judge, lecture or want anything in return.  They just wanted to help because that is how true friendship should be.  This is the type of friend we should all strive to be.

Below is an article I came across during a search on the subject of controlling relationships and trust.  I thought it was worth sharing.  Some may not 'believe' in the website, I am open minded and believe in the quality of the articles I read here.  To each their own and I would never tell someone else not to believe in something that they feel has helped or guided their own journey and believe in. :-)   If this post and the article can help even one person this weekend; then it was worth the time to write it.  Love and Hope to All of my friends!  ~ Coreen 

Control vs. Trust - Define your love              

Another Great Article is:  Building Trust in Relationships - Relationship Problems on Control

Posted using ShareThis


  1. Good post Coreen. You are a very brave woman and the fact that you want to help others is so kind and generous of you. You have a big heart...and it is too bad for your X he lost out big time....however, you have gained even more...knowledge and your boys love and trust...what more could a girl ask for?

  2. What a journey you have been on. You have a perspective that will be so helpful to others you meet along life's way.

  3. I have several urgent prayer requests on arise 2 write.

  4. thanks for being real...too many find themselves in these kinds of to check the link...

  5. Hi. i am so sorry to feel the pain in that write-up but i am doubly happy to hear of how far you know you've come.

    The honesty in your writing touched my heart. I hope you reach the end and write about your view from there.

    I know it helped me today, so thumbs up to you!


    p.s. i love that you had friends to help!

  6. I was in a relationship with a guy and got engaged pretty quickly. He never hit me but was emotionally abusive. Thank goodness we didn't get married! I had absolutely no self-esteem when we broke up, I'd hate to think of what my life would be if I were still with him. He could also be controlling at times.

    Congrats to you for getting out of a bad relationship. It's hard to do, I know from experience! Every time you get down, just remind yourself how far you've come and how much better off your boys are now!

  7. Just by sharing your very powerful, inspiring, yet painful experiences, you have helped so many people. You make a great point of how we bring with us the roles we played in our childhood into our adult relationships, and how that can make it even harder to break free. Yet, you did.
    You got out of that very toxic and abusive relationship, faced the fear and hardship and look how are you have come and learned. I hate to think of you enduring all of that abuse and pain, but I'm so proud of you for taking the steps that you did, leaning on the people you trusted let them care about you and in the end took care of yourself and your children. You are a hero to many, thank you for sharing so much of yourself with us. You are helping out, so much more than you know.

  8. Thanks for sharing this with us, it was very interesting to read and am appalled one had to endure that sort of life.You have come out on top and I admire you,

    Take care.

  9. Read the article and it hits the nail on the head. Trust is so important in any relationship.
    Congrats on your achieving your freedom from an abusive relationship. Now it's onward and upward!
    Hugging you

  10. My first husband was controlling. I don't know if I'd call him mean on purpose because he was kind of in his own world. But I was definitely niave. He was the least trusting person I've ever met in my life. He didn't trust anyone who could actually help him, including me. You can't have a relationship without trust. The marriage obviously did not work.

  11. What an inspiring post! So many women are in the situation you were in and didn't know what to do - I will certainly share this with friends! I am your newest follower via Follow Me Tuesday. Visit me at if you'd like.

  12. Great post and one that MANY need to read. Following you from FBT - hope to see you at Sropped Stitches.

    xo Erin

  13. Hi!
    I found you on the follow me back Tuesday list! I love your blog it is so inspiring! I will be an avid reader :)

  14. New follower, great blog! Come visit me at




Thank you for stopping by! I would LOVE your comments!


Related Posts with Thumbnails