How will you know....

“How do you decide who is the right person to share your life with? You will know that you have found the right person because you will feel balanced, stable, loved and the challenges that come with this person won’t drive you away.”

So many times over the years, I've meet someone and wondered, 'are they the one?'  Only to feel very differently about them or that prospect, after a date or two.  In fact, I seem to outgrow the men I meet... at the speed of light.

"I want to know their heart.  The rest is just details."

With everyone that comes in and out of my life, I learn at least one lesson and gain much insight into why people behave and feel the way they do.  Every experience I've had, has opened my eyes and my heart to many lessons.    

“The only reason we go through a difficult time, is for us to gain something from the experience and for us to grow. We can become better people, it’s all about learning and growing…”~Jacqueline 

Each lesson has given me the insight I've needed to understand others and to accept myself, just the way I am.  The lessons I've learned have lead me to acceptance and healing; allowing me to regain my 'self-respect' and grow into the person I was always meant to be.  

“Self-respect is the biggest lesson for all of us to learn and I think it is one of the most difficult. But wow, the rewards for learning this lesson are huge!"~Jacqueline

Once we see the reality of ourselves and our current situations, we can have perspective when we observe what is going on around us is.  Having perspective and an open heart, gives us true understanding and compassion.  

"It is endless all that can be revealed to us... if we open our hearts and see the lessons."

Now a days, I'm very specific in the qualities I want in the people I allow in my life.  Knowing and understanding who I am, has lead me to finally knowing exactly what I want, don't want, and deserve in my life and relationships... all relationships.  

Then listen to your intuition and your heart.  If they make you feel good and enhance your happiness... then they can be the one.  We have many 'ones' in our lifetime... it depends on where we are in our life and growth to whom is right for us at that time.

"You will 'know', once you 'know' and accept yourself and stop accepting less than what you 'know' you deserve."~Me

7 Ways to know if they're the One
The 3 Keys to know if they're the Onc
Deeper Dating: 3 Steps that lead to Love
Love them or Leave them

Trust...

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"Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none." ~William Shakespeare

"Trust in dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity." ~Khalil Gibran

"A human being is only interesting if he's in contact with himself.  I learned you have to trust yourself, be what you are, and do what you ought to do the way you should do it.  You have got to discover you, what you do, and trust it." ~Barbra Streisand

Living with Integrity

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"Living with integrity means: * Not settling for less than what you know you deserve in your relationships. * Asking for what you want and need from others. * Speaking your truth, even though it might create conflict or tension. * Behaving in ways that are in harmony with your personal values. * Making choices based on what you believe, and not what others believe." ~Barbara De Angelia

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"If we believe a thing to be bad, and if we have a right to prevent it, it is our duty to try to prevent it and damn the consequences." ~Lord Milner

I've tried my whole life to live with integrity.  Although I'm not perfect and slip like we all do, I have a constant goal to stand up for those being taken advantage of or treated unfairly; those not given the opportunities they deserve; those who need a friend or just someone to believe in and fight for them.

I believe that if we all spoke up or stepped in when we see or hear someone doing something we know is wrong, there would be less abuse and more accountability in the world.  It seems that more people are concerned with their own  careers and social standing than they are with their own moral obligations as a human being.

How some people can can look away when they see someone is being abused; instead of stopping it and protecting vulnerable adults and especially children, is beyond my comprehensions.  How do those who don't speak up, doing nothing, look at themselves in the mirror or go home to their own children and families?  That is the hardest thing for me to understand.

I've been told that I care too much and that it's the mothering nature in me that brings me to help those I see hurting.  However, I feel that although none of us can control other people's actions; we should all care enough to speak up.  To stop situations we know are wrong, anyway that we can, making people accountable for their actions.

I know in my own abusive experiences that once someone was confronted, they were forced to be at least some what accountable.  Excuses for bad behavior seldom go on if others outside of the situation speak up and tell them they are abusive.  It's amazing how so many who believe they have a right to treat someone badly, can suddenly 'stop' when a peer speaks up to them.  But not when the person they are abusing tries to defend themselves.   Somehow it's always their fault according to the abuser.

An abuser has no integrity.  However the knowledge someone else has, can stop the abuse if they have the integrity to do what is right; even if it effects them negatively or has consequences either personally or professionally.  I have no respect for those who have the knowledge to change or stop a bad situations; but do nothing.

I haven't always had the knowledge in situations, where I wish I had.  However I can think of many times where someone has had the knowledge, but not the integrity, to use that knowledge to help others.  If more people lived with Integrity and didn't look the other way, the world would be a much better place.

"Integrity without knowledge is weak and useless, and knowledge without integrity is dangerous and dreadful." ~Samuel Johnson (Rasselas, ch. 41) 

Being Truthful with Yourself...

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"If you can't be truthful with yourself, how can you be honest with anyone else." ~Yvonne Lewis

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"I believe that truthfulness with ourselves and unconditional love of others leads to happiness." ~Me

Not being truthful with yourself keeps you from allowing yourself to be happy; which keeps you inside your your own walls or prison.  Following your heart is a spiritual connection.  Not following your heart, or allowing yourself to trust your own intuition, causes the death of ones own spirit.  I know, I almost let my own spirit die once. 

Back then I wasn't honest with myself and I didn't trust the people I needed to break free from.  All I could think about was what they 'might' do.   I was afraid my children would be turned against me, or that I wouldn't be able to take care of them on my own.  Fear ruled every day of my life for many, many years.   

My mind was very clouded from all the stress in my home and life.  I didn't live with unconditional love.. the type of love that we all deserve and that which brings peace and true happiness. 

Deep down I should have known I didn't have to stay in that situation; that I wouldn't really lose my children and that I could take care of myself.   But I couldn't think clearly when I was walking on eggshells all the time, just trying to get through each day in peace or at least without a major conflict.   

Instead of being truthful with myself, I made excuses, hide what my home life was really like from most people, and how I really felt.  I was embarrassed, confussed and I didn't trust anyone because of all the threats and irrational behavior of others.  I was so effected by the manipulation, threats and fear of not knowing what they would do... that I seldom ever listened to my intuition, let alone followed my heart.   I know now that I should have and why.

Our intuition is God's guidance in our lives.  He wants us to be Happy and have fulfilling lives; so he guides, even talks to us, through our intuition.  Our intuition is directly connected to our hearts as well.   In fact, following your Heart is the most powerful 'Spiritual Connection' of all.   

Unfortunately many people who are unhappy...

• are not truthful with themselves
• don't allow themselves to be happy
• don't listen to or trust their intuition
• are too afraid or don't trust themselves enough
• and especially don't realize that following our heart is a Spiritual Connection

This is when people need to 'let go of what they think they know' and realize that the negative and fearful thoughts are not going to happen.  That we won't loss everything that matters to us, nor do we need to live in fear of others or of the unknown.  We just need to trust ourselves, admit to how we really feel, and listen to the Spiritual Connections that God has given each of us, our intuition and hearts, so he can guide us to the happiness he wants for us.  

"Following your Heart is a Spiritual Connection."

MOM’S EMPTY CHAIR

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MOM'S EMPTY CHAIR

A woman's daughter had asked the local minister

to come and pray with her mother.

When the minister arrived,

he found the woman lying in bed with her head

propped up on two pillows.

An empty chair sat beside her bed.

The minister assumed that the woman

had been informed of his visit...

'I guess you were expecting me, he said.

'No, who are you?' said the mother.

The minister told her his name and then remarked,

'I saw the empty chair and I figured you knew

I was going to show up..'

'Oh yeah, the chair,' said the bedridden woman

'Would you mind closing the door?'

Puzzled, the minister shut the door.

'I have never told anyone this,

not even my daughter,' said the woman.

'But all of my life I have never

known how to pray.

At church I used to hear the pastor talk about prayer,

but it went right over my head...'

I abandoned any attempt at prayer,'

the old woman continued, '

until one day four years ago, my best friend said to me,

' Prayer is just a simple matter

of having a conversation with Jesus.

Here is what I suggest..

'Sit down in a chair;

place an empty chair in front of you,
and in faith see Jesus on the chair.

It's not spooky because he promised,

'I will be with you always'..

'Then just speak to him in the same way

you're doing with me right now...'

'So, I tried it and I've liked it so much

that I do it a couple of hours every day.

I'm careful though.If my daughter saw me talking

to an empty chair, she'd either have a nervous breakdown

or send me off to the funny farm.'

The minister was deeply moved by the story and

encouraged the old woman to continue on the journey.

Then he prayed with her, anointed her with oil,

and returned to the church.

Two nights later the daughter called

to tell the minister that her mama

had died that afternoon.

Did she die in peace?' he asked.

Yes, when I left the house about two o'clock,

she called me over to her bedside,

told me she loved me and kissed me on the cheek.

When I got back from the store an hour later,

I found her .

But there was something strange about her death.

Apparently, just before Mom died,

she leaned over and rested her head on the chair

beside the bed. What do you make of that?'

The minister wiped a tear from his eye and said,

'I wish we could all go like that.'

Prayer is one of the best free gifts we receive.

I asked God for water, He gave me an ocean.*

I asked God for a flower, He gave me a garden.*

I asked God for a friend, He gave me all of YOU...

If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

Happy moments, praise God.

Difficult moments, seek God.

Quiet moments, worship God

Painful moments, trust God.

Every moment, thank God.

~ Author Unknown

Control vs. Trust - Define your Relationship

In my past, I was married to someone who was very controlling and manipulative.  I tried to understand them, help them, even tried to change them.  But it was a losing battle for many reasons. 

We both had many issues from our childhood's that effected our adult relationships.   I was the weaker one, with low self-esteem.  He was the stronger one with lots of 'trust' issues.  Or lack of trust, so he tried to make up for that with the same abusive tactics that he was raised with.  He demanded his version of respect with manipulation, fear and even force. 

He used the fear that I couldn't take care of my children financially, without him.  He made horrible threats that I don't even want to put into writing at this time.  Too horrendous to even imagine if you weren't there and lived through it.  Which I am grateful and even amazed that I did.  Looking back, it had to be my faith in God and the love for my children that got me through those years. 

Trust has been a Hugh issue for me, from many past relationships all the way back to my childhood.  I was way too trusting and naive most of my life.  Always focusing on the good and ignoring the bad, until it almost took my soul and nearly my life.  It has taken me 5 years to trust my own heart and intuition again.  A long road to a better me and well worth the travel to get here.  I can now see all the needed steps to the life lessons and personal growth I've experienced. 

Now that I'm at this point in my growth, about 2/3 to where I am going to be in the end, I can see and even feel what other people are going through.  At least people I care about and feel connected to for one reason or another.  I worry about them and want to help them.  Even if it's just by understanding what they are going through or being here for them if and when they need a friend, an ear, a hug or all three. 

I would not have made it through all the trials in my life without friends I could trust in my life.  No way!  They were amazing and genuinely cared about me.  They didn't judge, lecture or want anything in return.  They just wanted to help because that is how true friendship should be.  This is the type of friend we should all strive to be.

Below is an article I came across during a search on the subject of controlling relationships and trust.  I thought it was worth sharing.  Some may not 'believe' in the website, I am open minded and believe in the quality of the articles I read here.  To each their own and I would never tell someone else not to believe in something that they feel has helped or guided their own journey and believe in. :-)   If this post and the article can help even one person this weekend; then it was worth the time to write it.  Love and Hope to All of my friends!  ~ Coreen 

Control vs. Trust - Define your love              

Another Great Article is:  Building Trust in Relationships - Relationship Problems on Control

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Trusting a Mother's (Or Dad's) Intuition

“The intuitive mind is a sacred gift, the rational mind a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.” - Albert Einstein

Do you trust your own Intuition? I have a very strong intuition, but I don’t always listen to it. I second guess myself and then over analyze or think too much.

However when there is an emergency with one of my children, I only have time to react using my intuition. That has turned out for the best many times.

When my oldest son was a toddler he became very sick. Months went by with him remaining sick. Once in the hospital a specialist was brought in who went in the lab and ran test himself in order to get the correct diagnosis. He saved my son’s life. Twice!

The staff doctor argued about the specific diet my son was to have. Something inside of me knew my son would die if that doctor was allowed to limit my son’s diet. He had already lost half his body weight and still didn’t feel like eating.

I was able to find the specialist, before he was about to leave the hospital to fly back home. He totally agreed with me, placed hospital orders for my son, and had a talk with the staff doctor before leaving.

When my youngest son was an infant and very sickly from being 10 weeks premature, he was in the hospital for pneumonia for the 3rd time. The doctor ordered the same antibiotic that had never worked in the past. He always started off with that one, only to order something else a week later. It had happened 3 previous times.

I spoke up and asked if he ever looked at my son’s chart to see that Amoxicillin never worked. He told me that I wasn’t a doctor. I told him he wasn’t God and that medical charts were kept for a reason. I requested another doctor, who agreed that my son needed a strong antibiotic ‘that worked’. He ordered the one that had worked previously and immediately. That may have saved his life.

Another time, my oldest son had a lifting accident in which 340 pounds fell on his foot. His little toe was smashed, with the bone sticking out and all. He layer in the emergency room for hours before they finally gave him something for the pain and an ER doctor was available to see him.

That ER doctor was very arrogant and abrupt. He said they were busy and that my son really needed an orthopedic surgeon. However he also said that they wouldn’t be able to get one off the golf course on a Saturday in July. So he was just going to wrap up my son’s foot and send him home. Told me I could call an orthopedic surgeon on Monday. Two days from then.

Again, my intuition kicked in and I said NO! That I wanted an orthopedic surgeon today! The nurses started making phone calls. Meanwhile the ER doctor pulls me from my son to yell at me. He said I embarrassed him in front of his nurses and that there was nothing an orthopedic surgeon could do that he couldn’t.

I’m pretty sure they would disagree, given their extensive extra training. This doctor was too busy and didn’t do anything but offer to wrap my son’s foot, with the bone sticking out and all.

The orthopedic surgeon did come off the golf course that day. However he certainly didn’t mind and was glad I had insisted. The surgeon said my son would have had Gangrene by that following Monday; two days after the accident. He said my son would have lost at least his foot if I had waited. My son still lost his toe during surgery but the surgeon was able to save his foot. So again I was glad that my intuition kicked in and that I listened to it.

"Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do." - Benjamin Spock

So trusting our Parental Intuition can save our child's life!  Have any of you had similar experiences?