Random Thoughts... for 2012

"Our life always expresses the results of our prominent thoughts." ~Soren Kierkegaa

This past year has flown by faster than any I can remember.  As a new year it about to begin, I have hundreds of thoughts and memories running through my mind each time I sit to write in my journal or work on my book.  Since I've been too busy to blog much in the past year, I thought I'd add a few of them now.  

• 2012 started Happy, had highs & lows & ended Great.
• The trials in between had much needed lessons.
• Everyone has experienced trauma in their life.
• We should all have more empathy and compassion.
• Traumas can transform if allowed to push us forward.
• I have shared experiences with my best of friends.
• We must leave our comfort zones in order to grow.
• That was needed for my new career and direction.
• We often stay in jobs and situations out of Fear.
• Have Faith! You don't know, what you don't know.
• Sleep deprivation is everyone's worst enemy. 
• Negative environments are not worth the damage.  
• Unhappy people find fault with each other.
• Hurting people, hurt others.  Don't let them hurt you.
• Showing kindness, can stop the negative verbiage
• Standing up for yourself shows self-respect.
• Immature people push blame and want revenge.
• Mature people try to understand why things happen.
• Respect, the words used and tone of voice do matter.
• It takes 10 positives to make up for 1 negative.
• Nikki Haley is my example of strength and leadership.
• She has character and someone I'd like to emulate.
• Being strong annoys the people who want control.
• We're suppose to put our children First!
• No amount of critisisum over the years helped us.
• Volunteering and getting involved is so rewarding.
• I meet the most amazing people when I volunteer.
• We all need our own friends, interest... Lives.
• No one should depend on you for their happiness.
• Anymore than you should depend on someone else.
• When you're direct and honest; don't ever feel guilty.
• It's more important what someone does than says.
• I'm not emotional any longer because I'm not afraid.
• I'm not afraid of dying or the future; I have Faith.
• When I see death, I pray for the souls and families.
• Kindness and Compassion are a Hugh part of my job.  
• The last job prepared me for my current career/job.
• Having the passion for it, makes me really good at it.
• So much accomplished... so much more I want to do!

"I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see." ~John Burroughs

 What we overcome... helps us Grow

The people we need...

"We need people in our lives with whom we can be as open as possible.  To have real conversations with people may seem like such a simple, obvious suggestion; however it involves courage and risk." ~Thomas Moore

"Maybe some people just aren't meant to be in our lives forever.  Maybe some people are just passing through.  It's like some people just come through our lives to bring us something: a gift, a blessing, a lesson we need to learn.  And that's why they're here.  You'll have that gift forever." ~Danielle Steel, The Gift

What's meant to be....

"When people come into your life for only a SEASON... It was meant to be.  They come for a REASON...  So, let it be..."

"What's meant to be will always find a way."

As the poem goes:  'People come into our life for a Reason, a Season or a Lifetime...'  It's often times hard for us to determine, in the beginning, which of those a person is supposed to be.  Primarily because we ourselves are too close to the situation to be objective.  Often times our own wants and needs, get in the way of just letting situations and relationships just take it's course..., whatever that course may be.

What gets many of us in trouble, is when our desires cause us to see situations and people the way we wish them to be and believe what we want to.  When these feeling and emotions take over, it sometimes allows us to assume and even expect something that may or may not... meant to be. 

Most of us, however, can see the truth later on... which of those 3 they were and even see why we were meant to meet that person... no matter how long or how brief.  God then hopes that we also see the reason or lesson... and there is always a reason along with a lesson or two.  

I've personally been on both sides.  When I was naive and too trusting, I was the person picturing happy, even romantic futures.  Then as I grew and became much more intuitive and understanding of the paths and lessons that we are to encounter throughout our life times.  Now a days I seem to be on the other side where I feel I'm the person who comes into lives for a reason, maybe even a season to support, direct or help in some way.  

I believe that we are all meant to be the 'Reason, Season or Lifetime' for many, many people throughout our lives.  Sometimes, unfortunately we encounter someone who misunderstands why we've met.  They assume and even expect things that are just not meant to be or why we are here for them.  They don't see what we are here to teach or show them.   

It's a touchy situation when have to set boundaries, while continuing to be a good friend and teach the lessons that God has placed them there to do.  That person has to remain strong, listen to their intuition or gut... and stay true to their heart and only be what they are meant to be for that person.  

The main lessons I've learned are: self love first; be the person you wish to find; do the things you want to do with that person someday; and above all else... never expect, never assume, never demand... just let it be and enjoy the moment, the friendship or the situation.  

"Maybe some people just aren't meant to be in our lives forever.  Maybe some people are just passing through.  It's like some people just come through our lives to bring us something: a gift, a blessing, a lesson we need to learn.  And that's why they're here.  You'll have that gift forever." ~Danielle Steel, The Gif

Love them or Leave them
Can Men and Women be friends?

Liberate from our Fear

"When you're in fear, you can't grow,you can't expand, you can't relax, you can't create...  It's quite paralyzing.  Living in fear is essentially toxic to our mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being and growth."~Katie Freiling

The more I watch the people around me and their relationships, the more I notice that most peoples' actions and reactions, are 'triggered' by the same emotion each time...FEAR.  

"Fear is only as deep as the mind allows."~Japanese Proverb

Fear of losing something or someone; Fear of financial struggles; Fear of being alone; Fear of not having Control of a situation or relationship.... and FEAR Fuels More FEAR...over and over again.

"Nothing in life is to be feared.  It is only to be understood."~Marie Curie 

So many times in all our lives, we react or make chooses.... out of FEAR of something happening or not happening.  Not out of stupidity or ignorance... but usually rash or poor decision are the result of FEAR.

"As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."~Nelson Mandela

In my own life, I now see why I made the poor decisions I have.  Granted, I've been naive, too trusting, and even told 'too nice' many times by my friends... however my worst decisions or reactions have by far been made out of FEAR of something.   

“And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”~Marianne Williamson

Even recently I realize that the stress I've experienced in the last 10 months; have been fueled by Fear.  That the jobs I turned down... were from Fear of the unknown.  Not having All the answers or knowing Exactly what to expect from those jobs, cause be to focus on the uncertainties instead of the Possibilities.

"Fears are educated into us, and can, if we wish, be educated out."~Karl Augustus Menninger

In recent years, I've stayed in jobs that caused overwhelming stress or were I was unfulfilled... much longer than I wanted to.  I stayed out of Fear of 'what ifs' and the unknown at another position somewhere else.  Until... I made a conscious decision stopped letting Fear control my decisions or chooses in my own life.  I may slip at times and I may not have all the answers; however I do know that letting Fear be a deciding factor... is not the way to live a happy and fulfilling life.   Which is what I'm sure is what we all want... now is't it?!  ;-)

I must not fear.

Fear is the mind-filler.

Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fears.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past,
I will turn the inner eye to see it's path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.
~Frank Herbert

7 Keys from Liberating yourself from Fear

Here for a Reason...

"There are no extra pieces in the Universe.  Everyone is here because he or she has a place to fill, and every piece must fit itself into the big jigsaw puzzle." ~Deepak Chopra

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As I look over all the events that have occurred in my life, I often wonder why.  Why I had to go through so much trauma; why some things didn't work out when I had pure intentions; even why some friendships didn't last that I felt were meant to be.

I've spent much time reflecting and trying to make sense of these encounters and experiences... finally having it 'click' and all make perfect sense to me.  I can now see how each of these events, and the people I've met, all had a purpose, a lesson... a reason.

"Even when you think you have your life all mapped out, things happen that shape your destiny in ways you might never have imagined." ~Deepak Chopra

When I finally stopped planning and guiding my life out of fear of being a victim again, I was able to see and understand the meanings from the things that happened and the people who taught me the lessons I needed in order to find my own voice and passions.

All of those events and encounters ultimately lead to Deeper insight, understanding... and ultimately to my own evolution as the person I was always meant to be, in the place I was destined to be.  I believe we all have a purpose and reason with every situation in our life.

"Whatever relationships you have attracted in your life at each moment, was precisely the ones you needed in your life at those moments.  There was and is a hidden meaning behind all those events, and those hidden meanings are serving your own evolution." ~Deepak Chopra

Come from a place of Love

"Come from a place of Love, not anger or frustration."~Me

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I've struggled so many times in my life to find balance with keeping the power and control over my own life; while also coming from a heart of understanding, compassion and even love.  It's not always easy.

I try hard to stay away from negative and gossipy people who think they know everything about everyone.  However sometimes I admit I get sucked in to it when I have my guard down; I'm lonely, tired or just having a bad day.  Causing me to have doubts about people I care about; second guessing my own intuition and heart.

I realize now that when I allow others opinions to influence how I feel, that I'm reacting out of Fear.  Fear of making another mistake; fear of being hurt and even fear of gossip.  None of those things should control or even be a factor in what I decide or do.  I fail greatly when I let it.

"We should never react out of fear.  We should always respond out of Love."~ME

Most of the time when I feel anger, it's really from the Fear of one of those possibilities.  When I find fault and react out of Fear; that distorted sense of control never last.  It only causes me to have regret and guilt later on.  All because I allowed outside chatter and negativity get to me.

There are times when I've shut the door on friends because of the drama going on in their lives.  I believed when I was told I should be scared or even angry.  Those 'words of advice' are always coming from negative chatter; not from a heart of compassion, understanding or Love.

When we come from a place of Love, we have Understanding and Compassion.  I moved twice to give my son... understanding and compassion from teachers and staff that truly cared.   It made all the difference in his life.  That's why I'm always looking for people like that in my own life.

How does the saying go.... "Be the person you wish to find."   I agree... and in regards to all our relationships.   I'm trying hard not to be influenced by 'fear'... so I can follow my heart... reaching out to friends and anyone I 'feel' needs me to; without hesitation or fear.

Fear is the only thing that has ever held me back from coming from a place of Love.  I pray that there are special people in my life that know and understand that now.

"Negativity comes from Fear.  Love stops negativity in it's tracks."~Me

The Answer is Always LOVE

"Remember LOVE is the answer! Listen to your heart, speak with your heart, see with your heart & feel with your heart." ~Stephanie Albright, founder/owner Ancient Wisdom

The Heart Only Knows Love.  The heart does not judge and the heart sees everyone 'whole' and 'complete'.   It's the Head that judges and finds the fault in others and even ourselves.  We are 'whole' and 'complete' in the Heart; because the Heart sees only through the eyes of LOVE; the same way GOD sees us.  If only we could all listen, speak, see and feel with our Hearts more often; the world would be a better place. :-)

Above all else, love and compassion uplift and transform your life.  They both reduce your anger, hatred and jealousy, while expanding your heart and mind, making life worthwhile.  When all is said and done, there is nothing more important than love and compassion.

"The Heart only knows LOVE; Everything else is coming from the Head." ~Stephanie Albright @ Ancient Wisdom

My random thoughts... just so you know ;-)

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"Random thoughts are received with no context for it, no pre-conceived notions or bias." ~unknown

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Just so you know... I've missed blogging
... it's hard to find the time anymore

Just so you know... I've missed 'you'
... my blogging friends most of all.

Just so you know... I'm very busy
... putting in lots of hours at my new job.

Just so you know... I like what I do
... except for the extra stress at times.

Just so you know... I've been dating again
... It's been interesting and fun.

Just so you know... he's very nice
... I really like the sweet attention.

Just so you know... the bar is raised
... because I know what I deserve.

Just so you know... I'm determined
... for my dreams to come true.

Just so you know... I'm very happy
... and moving forward with my life.

Just so you know... I'm trying hard

... to keep the past behind me.

Just so you know... caring then
... felt like the right thing to do.

Just so you know... I see
...the lessons in everything.

Just so you know... I cared
... for all the right reasons.

Just so you know... I still pray
... for us both to find true love.

“I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person.  Love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.”  ~unknown

Trust...

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"Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none." ~William Shakespeare

"Trust in dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity." ~Khalil Gibran

"A human being is only interesting if he's in contact with himself.  I learned you have to trust yourself, be what you are, and do what you ought to do the way you should do it.  You have got to discover you, what you do, and trust it." ~Barbra Streisand

Making Mistakes... and learning from them.

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"The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one." ~Elbert Hubbard, The Note Book, 1927

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"The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing." ~John Powell

Several years ago I realized that I seemed to keep making the same mistakes in my life over and over.  So I decided to first understand why I made the choices I did, then admitting my mistakes in order to heal and grow.

Then I started getting advice from people I admired, trust and looked to; because I didn't want to make more mistakes; especially in my personal relationships.

Most of the advice and insight was very good for me because it focused on the truth about both myself and the people around me.  Helping me to become strong enough to reject negative influences and to set higher standards for the people I now allow in my life.

The downside to having insight is that knowledge changes things... both positive and negatively.  What I mean is that somethings we shouldn't know because it changes our actions, reactions and the direction we take in our lives.  Knowledge effects our choices both good and bad.

I've recently learned that even with insight, understanding and knowledge; that I still make mistakes.  We all do.  However it's how we accept our mistakes; learn from them and become a better person from being honest with ourselves... that matters most in our journey through life.   

"A man should never be ashamed to own when he has been in the wrong, which is but saying ... that he is wiser today than he was yesterday." ~Alexander Pope, in Swift, Miscellanies

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"There is authentic unconditional love in every instance of healing, allowing the heart's peace to flow toward others, and knowing that love is the only gift that can outshine fear and despair." ~Steve Brunkhorst

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"We can cure physical diseases with medicine, but the only cure for loneliness, despair, and hopelessness is love. There are many in the world who are dying for a piece of bread, but there are many more dying for a little love." ~Mother Teresa (1910-1997)

Love Heals!

by Sabine Shah

When life hurts, love heals

When words fail, love speaks

When all is lost and all is gone

Love gives strength to move on

When it rains, love shines

Love embraces, when hearts pine

Shattered souls love quickly mends

Love is a mentor, love is a friend

Where there is love, there is no grief

Love is spring's first green leaf

Love is young and love is old

Love is earth and love is gold

Love is why we are born

Love is why we go on and on! 

"As you begin to understand the immense power and love you hold inside, you will find an unending surge of joy, light and love that will nourish and support you all the days of your life." ~Susan Jeffers

Believing in Me!

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 "You are in charge of your feelings, beliefs, and actions. And you teach others how to behave toward you. While you cannot change other people, you can influence them through your own behaviors and actions. By being a living role model of what you want to receive from others, you create more of what you want in your life." ~Eric Allenbaugh

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6 years ago I was still living back home in Nebraska. I say back home like it’s far away and that's funny because it’s just the next state over. In fact it’s only an hour from where I live now. However at times, it has felt like half way around the world from a 'small town' in Iowa.

The first few years here were incredibly hard for me. I had given up my home, my friends and a job I loved, with co-workers who were like family. What was even worse, I had given up my security for another person. That was a Hugh mistake that I will never make again. I now know that someone who truly loves you, wouldn't want you to give up everything; or anything that makes you happy for that matter.

I wanted to ‘believe’ all the ‘words’ and promises; that someone really wanted to 'share' lifes ups and downs and have a 'balanced' relationship.  I even convinced myself that it was God’s plan because this person came into not only my life, but also my son’s. At a time when I felt he really needed a man in his life. So I only saw what I wanted to see and I ignored my own gut. I wanted to ‘believe’ I was doing the right thing.

Moving to Iowa has worked out extremely well for my son and that I do believe was God’s plan. However I should have thought of myself back then and planned my move more carefully. But we live and learn and I have learned so much!

I learned that no one can take care of me better than I can take care of myself. That no one has the right to be manipulative and controlling; no matter what they’ve been through or how much they think you owe them. I have learned that I am stronger, smarter and braver than I ever imagined. I didn’t need anyone to help me with my son; I could do it on my own all along. I just needed to ‘believe’ in ME. 

"Self-confidence and a belief in yourself is a must. To instill confidence in others, you first must have confidence in yourself." ~Byron & Catherine Pulsifer, from Good-bye Manager, Hello Coach!

I want to say a special thank you to Shanae, @ Triumph and Tears for entering one of my previous post in her Contest.  Visit her Great blog when you can. :-)

Leave Them Even Though You’re Still in Love... By Carmen Honacker

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This article is by Carmen Honacker and is re-posted from California Psychics Blog.  No matter what you do or do not believe, their articles are extremely good and help many people.  Check out Carmen's Blog for more powerful post. Or one of her freelance post on the C.P. Blog!  Carmen is a survivor, author, mentor, Hugh inspiration and now a Great friend!

Years ago, I received a phone call late at night from a friend who asked if I could pick her up from a gas station in Hollywood. She was stranded there, after her boyfriend had hit her and kicked her out of the car. What followed were another three years of abuse in which he broke her nose twice, ruined her credit, threatened to kill her, and got her arrested. Each time I tried to interfere, she would tell me “but I love him.” It was heartbreaking for me, because I, too, had used the same reason to stay in relationships with guys who were clearly no good for me or downright abusive. After all, I am my mother’s daughter, and she taught me that it was ok to be abused, neglected, cheated on and broken by someone who “loves” you. We all know that cycles have a way of repeating themselves.

I remember spending year after year, or month after month with narcissistic, sociopathic, selfish, dishonest and cold-hearted guys, because I wanted to “love the bad out of them.” I had learned as a child that I was worthless; that no one would ever stand up for me or protect me, so I decided to do for others what no one had done for me! In my opinion, everyone was a good person deep down inside, and I was the one who would bring it out of them. Time and time again, I fell in love with “potential” and the illusion of what could be, versus the reality of what actually was and would be!

I have an amazing imagination, and I was so desperate for someone, anyone, to pay any attention to me or love me, that my heart was up for grabs – and not for the highest bidder, but any bidder! All one had to do was show up. I wouldn’t even censor. I firmly believed that everyone is a good person, and that some just hid their “goodness” from the world because they had been hurt so much/endured bad things; some, apparently, have to hide it really, really deep down inside! So no matter what heartless stunt was pulled, I generally still stuck around. I would focus on “the good sides” and imagine whatever I wanted, which was much easier than facing the bleak reality of how unloved I truly felt. I thought that if I could prove my love, loyalty and devotion enough, he’d sooner or later stop being the jerk that he was. It never even occurred to me that I had absolutely no power over another person’s actions or choices! It never occurred to me that some people will never learn, have no desire to change, and are truly selfish or simply dishonest. In my mind, it was always my fault that another was behaving the way they did; which meant that I had control over it!

I can highly recommend two tools that worked to rewire my “hard-drive”; cognitive behavioral therapy and hypnotherapy. Neither one necessarily requires that you have to lay down on the couch of a therapist and talk about your “sad stories.” Instead, even if you’re not willing to dig into the deepest, darkest secrets of your past, a good therapist will still be able to help you to disconnect the old, self-destructive behavioral patterns and teach you new and healthy ones.

When one is in this situation, it seems impossible to survive without him. It seems that you will never, ever be able to “love” someone the way you love him, or be as attracted to someone the way you are attracted to him. However, with the right tools you can learn to love, honor and respect yourself enough to recognize what true love is, versus an unhealthy obsession and addiction. Loving yourself will be the best thing you’ll ever learn, and the most important one in choosing that which truly makes you happy all the time, not only in the five minutes he chose to be nice to you, before he disappears, cheats, leaves or is mean to you again.  ~ By Carmen Honacker   Check out Carmen's Blog for more powerful post.  Or one of her freelance post on the California Psychics Blog!

Betrayal can have many forms.

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What is betrayal?  It's the breaking or violation of a presumptive trust, or confidence that produces moral and psychological conflict within a relationship amongst individuals.

In relationships many people, men especially, think that if you don't 'cross that line' and sleep with someone other than the one you share your bed with at night, that you are being a faithful and even loyal partner.  That's not always true though.

When you get into bed with someone you don't love, you are not only betraying yourself, but you're cruelly betraying that other person.  Even if there is no one else in your heart or on your mind.  It's still betrayal; even if you live with or are even married to that person.  It's a cruel, sick and twisted game to play with anyone.

In the case where there is someone else on your heart, thoughts or in your dream, I feel that you are also betraying that person as well.   Even if they don't know how you feel for sure and you never 'crossed that line' with them.  If they do know, and believe me... they usually know, you are hurting them deeply as well.  Again, a cruel, sick and twisted game played not only with the 'truth' but with someone else's heart and life.

Every woman I know, and most men, would rather be hurt with the Truth, than to be either lied to, given half truths or excuses for their behavior.  It makes people feel rejected and used; even if you're married.  No one, male or female, wants to feel either of those.   It's heart breaking and humiliating!'

Each and every day that you live a lie with someone, you are betraying them.  Hurting and humiliating them beyond comprehension.  No one deserves that.  Whether you admit to 'falling out of love' or lie and say you loved them in the first place... at least on a subconscious level, the other person knows.   They know when you are not emotionally connected to them.  They can feel it, see it in your eyes or tell it by your actions.

This is when many times the unconsciously rejected partner becomes insecure, suspicious and assumes many things.  On a certain level, they are right... even if their partner or spouse never crossed that 'physical line' with someone else.  A person's intuition usually knows when they have, even if it's just in their mind or heart.

I've observed far to many friends hurt by this cruel, sick and twisted game.  Whether it's girlfriends or guy friends... the hurt, humiliation and damage is usually the same.  So for those who 'play this game'... look in the mirror; go into your heart and be honest with yourself.  Then finally be honest with the person who deserves the truth!  Act like a man, or woman, and stop playing games with other peoples' lives and hearts!!

Living the Truth
Living a Lie
Pity Sex: Why in the world do we do this?
When and How to Leave Unhealthy Relationships
Manipulative People: Covert Aggressive Personality Disorder 

The Narcissistic Co-dependent Marriage/Relationship Symptoms

When and How to Leave Unhealthy Relationships

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 People often stay far too long in relationships that they no longer desire. They do this out of guilt, fear, and even out of a sense of 'loyalty' to their partner. Even in cases where abuse exists; whether it's physical, verbal or stress through constant arguing.  All are damaging!


Many people find themselves staying simply for their partner's benefit.  Disregarding their own needs or desires because of how they were raised or what they went through in their childhoods.  Such as family abandoning you or another family member  (spiritually, mentally, emotionally or physically).  Along with remembering what our parents told us about ourselves, words that are still in our mind and body (many of us are still ill as a result of old words or beliefs). 



I personally know men with unhealthy 'loyalty' issues developed from belief systems instilled in them at an early age.  Such as loyalty to our families no matter what.  Although 'noble' in an age of 'dead beat' dads, it is still very painful to watch these 'good' men and fathers to be unhappy and even suffer at times.

Any belief pattern or conditioning that keeps us 'stuck' and unmoving/growing as a human being is unhealthy for us.  When loyalty to someone is dangerous to our health or well being, it is just wrong in my opinion.  Remember, I've been there and done that.  So I'm talking from personal experience as well as watching friends go through similar situations.

I have several friends, male and female, with unhealthy loyalty perspectives to partners who literally drain the life out of them.  Most suffer from chronic fatigue or a disease developed from the stress, that dis-empowers them physically. 

I've know first hand and it's like air being taken out of the balloon; only it is your energy leaking out until you have nothing left for your self--no healthy boundaries.  Again, as a result of unhealthy loyalty issues they developed from their childhoods. 

Like women, men in unhealthy and unhappy relationships, may feel blue or may not get pleasure from activities they once enjoyed. But a few other things commonly show up in men that may not be recognized as signs and symptoms of problems. 

■ Escapist behavior is the most common.  This includes: spending a lot of time at work, on sports, stalling or avoiding going home, 'over' volunteering to be away from home more, and even living their lives vicariously through on-line resources such as social websites, blogs, etc. etc. etc....

Men are usually confronted with greater emotional adjustment problems than women, if and when they do decide to pursue a separation or breakup.  The reasons for this are related to the loss of intimacy, the loss of social connection, reduced finances (including giving up at least half of all they have worked hard for), along with the common interruption of the parental role.

The following article explains many of the relationship issues, reasons behind them, where unhealthy loyalty comes from and most importantly, how to get out of an Unhealthy / Unhappy relationship. 

Should You Leave Him (or Her)? How to Know When to Breakup
Sometimes, it can be difficult to know when to leave a relationship. Perhaps things aren't great, but they're not too bad either. It's easy to sit on the fence for a while and just let fate take over, but it's better to make a deliberate choice to stay or go. When making this decision, an important question to ask yourself is, "Is this relationship unhealthy?"

Unhealthy relationships follow identifiable patterns. Though circumstances always vary from couple to couple, they are often characterized by:

- Frequent arguments

- Frequent criticism on either side

- Inability to tolerate the other's personal quirks

- Intolerance of the other's friends or family

- Unfair expectations

- Hyper-sensitivity by one or both partners

- Intolerance of occasional lapses of attention

- Psychological problems that lead to behavioral ones

- Inability to address conflicts in a mature fashion

- Excessive jealousy and mistrust (they assume, over-react and blow everything out of proportion)

- Extreme insecurity or major obstacles involving low self-esteem

- One or both partners have addictive or destructive tendencies

- Few, if any, mutual friends

- One partner gets easily upset over unimportant or petty things

- Excessive clingy-ness

- One or both partners feels as if they are "walking on eggshells" much of the time

- Difficulty discussing feelings

This is by no means an exhaustive list, and just represents some of the traits that characterize an unhealthy relationship.

Your significant other is supposed to be a source of comfort in the world, not a persistent source of stress and anxiety. If your relationship offers no sense of peace or safety, it's time to end it. If the problems escalate to physical or emotional abuse, the need to breakup is even more urgent.

People often stay far too long in relationships that they no longer desire. They do this out of guilt, or a sense of loyalty to their partner (even in cases where abuse exists). Many people find themselves staying simply for their partner's benefit.

Why Can't You Leave?

Relationships are a choice. Or at least, they should be. Sometimes, we realize that a relationship is no longer working, but we stay anyway. There are many reasons why people stay stuck in relationships they no longer want, including:
* Guilt -- You can't bear the thought of hurting our partner

* Loyalty -- You've invested so much and have a long history with them, even if it's a bad history

* Misplaced priorities -- You feel that your partner's needs are more important than your own

* Expectations - - You don't want to disappoint your family or your partner's family by breaking up

* Financial or logistical reasons -- You don't have the money to leave, you live together, or you have a child together (sometimes a good reason to maintain a relationship, but not always)

* He or she will "freak out" -- You fear your partner's reaction to the news

If your partner stands in the way of you living a fulfilling life, you probably need to leave. That doesn't mean disregarding commitments and responsibilities, but you should never feel trapped in a life you don't want.  All relationships require some amount of sacrifice, but giving up the possibility for happiness is not part of the deal.     Author: Michael Freeman 
Read more: www.articlesbase.com/relationships-articles

If you want to leave your partner but have too much fear and anxiety at the thought of breaking up, there is help. Check out the links below.

Michael Freeman, M.A., helps women and men get FREEDOM from unhappy relationships.

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Should you leave him/her? How to know when to breakup.
Why Battered Men Stay in Abusive Relationships
Children Need their Dads too!
Single Dad Financial Help.com
Mediation Services
mayoclinic/male-depression
The Violence of Verbal Abuse
Living a Lie
When to Help a Friend and When to Walk Away
What STRESS Does to Us
Should Unhappy Parents Stay Together
Manipulative People: Covert Aggressive Personality Disorder

The Narcissistic Co-dependent Marriage/Relationship Symptoms

She is crazy...but very smart.

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She is crazy, but very smart.  She has spies everywhere because she is very clever and knows how to pull people in with her lies and perception of the truth. She gets them to 'spy for her' and tell her things by being very 'sweet' and manipulating her half truths to get people to feel sorry for her.  Those she pulls in are willing to help her because they either believe her lies or are very nosy and want to know what they 'think' is going on in other peoples' lives.  Gossip is a form of entertainment for them.  Many are phony to people's faces, then talk behind their backs.  These people should be fired, but their bosses don’t know.

She also has a 6th sense, however she doesn’t use it for good or to make better life choices. She uses it to get what she wants.  The knowledge she gains from her spies, along with her just ‘knowing’ at times, is what she uses to manipulate the people in her life. She uses guilt to get her way or makes up lies to gain sympathy from others and then gains control whenever someone tries to pull away from them.

She doesn’t care what she says, how she acts or who she hurts. Their world and perceptions revolve only around themselves and what they want. The people that they are supposed to love, including her own children, get put in the middle and used for leverage. She keeps her man awake at night arguing, not caring if he gets enough sleep, has to get up early or has a long drive to work and back home each day.  Not caring if the fighting and stress effects his job or if he gets in an accident because she didn't let him get enough sleep. She doesn’t care. She thinks it serves him right for her not getting what she wants. She is selfish and self-serving.  She has an excuse for everything. 

People like this, both male and female, must be very insecure and feel threatened, for whatever reason or excuse they come up with.  They take no responsibility for their own choices or actions. They are obviously miserable in their own lives, so they cause trouble in other peoples, with their actions and behaviors.  Most even act as if everything in life is about them.  It shows in their manipulation and constant rudeness toward others.

I know several people like this. At one time I actually tried to be friends with one of them. Mostly because I didn’t want them as an enemy. I saw what they were capable of. I also tried to see the good in everyone and wanted to be friends with all that I met back then.  I now know I don't want to be friends with everyone.  Another part of me thought I needed to become strong enough to ‘handle’ people like this.  That it would make me a better person.

I was wrong!  I saw the malicious things these types of people are capable of... first hand.  The friendships they ruined and the lives they tried to destroy.   People like that are no good to be around... no matter how strong you are or how nice a person you want to be. Their self-centered nature, self-serving motives and negative attitudes... can suck the life right out of you if you let them.

I have a very good friend who is in a similar situation.  Looking from the outside in, I feel they have a person just like this around them.  They are negatively and maliciously affecting their life.  My friend is a really nice person, hard worker, great parent and an all around good person. They put everyone else first in their lives, because that is who they are.  Every human being deserves to be treated with respect at the very least. Along with the honest truth and appreciation.  We all deserve those!

I worry about them because I doubt they take care of themselves.  I know they don't get enough sleep and I’m equally sure they have enormous stress in their life. I pray for their health and safety every day!  I wish for peace and happiness to fill their life very soon.  I also wish I knew they were Ok more often... but I don't want to cause my friend more trouble or stress.  That's the last thing I want to do.

I know it’s none of my business; however I understand what it’s like to live your life doing your best with little or no appreciation.  In addition to having outside influences cause unnecessary trouble and needless stress. I also know what it’s like to be in a relationship where the other person is selfish and self-serving.  Because of my own experiences, I have enormous compassion and understanding. I also feel I have a right to care… as a friend and as a human being in this world.  We all should care how people are treated!  The world would be a better place if we all had a little more humility.

Humility, or being humble, is the quality of being modest, reverential, even politely submissive, and never being arrogant, contemptuous, rude or even self-abasing. Humility, in various interpretations, is widely seen as a virtue in many religious and philosophical traditions, being connected with notions of transcendent unity and of egolessness.  Which mean having no emotional state of ego or selfishness.

Humility is often rewarded in relationships. It is the way of the world to fill the empty cup. Regardless of your position, humility is a positive and deceptively powerful attribute. True humility is a virtue to which all should aspire.

The happiest people are those who know how to bring each situation into balance by reducing that which is too great in their lives, and by adding to that which is too little. A humble person craves not power, but balanced and stable relationships. Humility is the virtue that allows you to perceive the balancing force; humble people are not prey to the many illusions that grow out of self-importance. If humility is not natural to our disposition, we should make a conscious effort to develop it.

“I claim to be a simple individual liable to err like any other fellow mortal. I own, however, that I have humility enough to confess my errors and to retrace my steps.” ~ Mahatma Gandhi

"This is the wish we should all have for each other: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, Love to complete your life." ~ Author Unknown

Manipulative People: Covert Aggressive Personality Disorder
Video on Narcissism

Woman gets Happy Ending after YouTube Videos

Check out this video review from ABC News: Woman Posts 62 BreakUp Videos on YouTube.

WOW, I’m very surprised that her boyfriend came back after all that ‘public’ display of drama. Most men don’t like anything aired in ‘public’…. but this is WAY over the top. And some men thought I was ‘too emotional’ when I got a little teary after being lied to. Wow, they had no idea did they?!

I hope her boyfriend was wise to see how much she loved him and realized how much he had hurt her.  I'm very glad that she got a Happy Ending and I hope he treats her very well.

As far as technology goes, I think it has changed things for sure. In one way, it’s harder for some people to cheat or live double lives. Which of course is good! On the other hand I see how places like Facebook have really damaged some relationships because one or both parties share too much personal information about their relationship or worst yet, about previous relationships while they are ‘connected’ with their current one on facebook. Privacy in a relationship is very important. Something that technology can certainly compromise at the very least.

I hope some learn from this and not go out and start posting YouTube videos instead of Facebook messages. It won’t usually work out the way they want, like it did for this lady.

So what do You think about the advance of technology and social media on relationships, especially dating?

Waiting to be Saved

There have been many times in my life where I 'waited to be saved'.  For someone to come along and take care of things for me.  From getting out of my marriage, a bad relationship afterwards, previous jobs, my house, the list goes on and on.

I learned a while back that only I can take care of 'my own' situations.  Only I can decide on what I allow into my life and how I am going to deal with those situations or people.  I had to learn to take care of myself and not expect someone else to take care of things for me.

I made a lot of excuses when I stayed in my marriage as long as I did.  Fear, money and even my children.  Who were more well adjusted and happier after the fighting stopped.  I waited for someone to come along; get me out of these situations and basically 'save' me.  Like the Prince coming to save Snow White.

The truth was I was afraid of the unknown.  Would I be able to take care of myself and my children financially?  Would I be able to keep the house?  I even worried if I would find someone better suited for me later?  Worry never solves anything.  Only action can change things!

Those things were, in my own personal situation, after the real fear and constant dramas and fighting.  None the less, that fear of the unknown stops many people from doing what they know in their heart they need to do.  Not only for themselves, but for their children.  I used the excuse many times that I stayed for my children.  Even back then, I knew it was a poor excuse.

I have to admit that back then, and for a long time afterwards, my self-esteem was very low.  My soul was damaged and 'tired' from all the stress and drama as well.  I think in those situations that is why it is hard for many of us to stand up for ourselves.  That is why we hope and pray that someone will come along and take care of our situations for us.  Initially saving us!  Nice wish, unfortunately things don't work out in 'real life' that easily.

I had to first get my confidence back; building my self-esteem back up one step at a time.  Anything faster is just a temporary fluctuation, in my opinion.  It takes time to find out who you really are again.  It takes time to accept your losses, both emotionally and financially in some cases, in order to heal and move on.  That's a perfectly understandable and a normal process. 

I realized that no one else could take care of me, or fix my situations.  I needed to learn to take care of things myself.  I knew deep down I could take care of my children, I needed to also know I could take care of ME!  I found out over the last 6 years that I am stronger, and more capable of taking care of situations and myself than I ever imagined.

The very first and most important change I made was taking responsibility for my own actions.  Accepting the roles I played in those relationships and situations.  Admitting the choices I made and accepting responsibility for my own life.  The second change was finally forgiving myself for my mistakes; learning from them and moving on each time.  I now see the lessons each situation taught me.  To me the 'life lessons' we can learn in each 'life experience', is more valuable than anything we can learn in a text book.

Taking responsibility and control of my own life has made me happier and the most productive in my life.  Not saying that any of us have complete control of our lives.  That would be impossible unfortunately.

There will always be outside influences and people with 'free will' to impact our lives both positively and negatively.  However, we can choose to take control of the situations and events put before us.  Taking responsibility for our own thoughts, responses and actions is what helps us to have happy and productive lives!

"Accepting responsibility for our own lives, is the only way to be saved by our own selves."~ Coreen Trost @VelvetOverSteel.com