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"Fill your mind with light, happiness, hope, feelings of security and strength, and soon your life will reflect these qualities." ~Unknown

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"The Greatest gift that you can give to others is the gift of unconditional love and acceptance!" ~Brian Tracy

All post and stories are the sole property of Velvet Over Steel aka Coreen Trost. I write and create post in order to help others, so share as you want. I just ask that you link back or give VOS credit. Some of the stories are going into a book in progress. Thank You ALL.. for your support and help!!
"If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader." ~ John Quincy Adams

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

She is crazy...but very smart.

She is crazy, but very smart.  She has spies everywhere because she is very clever and knows how to pull people in with her lies and perception of the truth. She gets them to 'spy for her' and tell her things by being very 'sweet' and manipulating her half truths to get people to feel sorry for her.  Those she pulls in are willing to help her because they either believe her lies or are very nosy and want to know what they 'think' is going on in other peoples' lives.  Gossip is a form of entertainment for them.  Many are phony to people's faces, then talk behind their backs.  These people should be fired, but their bosses don’t know.

She also has a 6th sense, however she doesn’t use it for good or to make better life choices. She uses it to get what she wants.  The knowledge she gains from her spies, along with her just ‘knowing’ at times, is what she uses to manipulate the people in her life. She uses guilt to get her way or makes up lies to gain sympathy from others and then gains control whenever someone tries to pull away from them.

She doesn’t care what she says, how she acts or who she hurts. Their world and perceptions revolve only around themselves and what they want. The people that they are supposed to love, including her own children, get put in the middle and used for leverage. She keeps her man awake at night arguing, not caring if he gets enough sleep, has to get up early or has a long drive to work and back home each day.  Not caring if the fighting and stress effects his job or if he gets in an accident because she didn't let him get enough sleep. She doesn’t care. She thinks it serves him right for her not getting what she wants. She is selfish and self-serving.  She has an excuse for everything. 

People like this, both male and female, must be very insecure and feel threatened, for whatever reason or excuse they come up with.  They take no responsibility for their own choices or actions. They are obviously miserable in their own lives, so they cause trouble in other peoples, with their actions and behaviors.  Most even act as if everything in life is about them.  It shows in their manipulation and constant rudeness toward others.

I know several people like this. At one time I actually tried to be friends with one of them. Mostly because I didn’t want them as an enemy. I saw what they were capable of. I also tried to see the good in everyone and wanted to be friends with all that I met back then.  I now know I don't want to be friends with everyone.  Another part of me thought I needed to become strong enough to ‘handle’ people like this.  That it would make me a better person.

I was wrong!  I saw the malicious things these types of people are capable of... first hand.  The friendships they ruined and the lives they tried to destroy.   People like that are no good to be around... no matter how strong you are or how nice a person you want to be. Their self-centered nature, self-serving motives and negative attitudes... can suck the life right out of you if you let them.

I have a very good friend who is in a similar situation.  Looking from the outside in, I feel they have a person just like this around them.  They are negatively and maliciously affecting their life.  My friend is a really nice person, hard worker, great parent and an all around good person. They put everyone else first in their lives, because that is who they are.  Every human being deserves to be treated with respect at the very least. Along with the honest truth and appreciation.  We all deserve those!

I worry about them because I doubt they take care of themselves.  I know they don't get enough sleep and I’m equally sure they have enormous stress in their life. I pray for their health and safety every day!  I wish for peace and happiness to fill their life very soon.  I also wish I knew they were Ok more often... but I don't want to cause my friend more trouble or stress.  That's the last thing I want to do.

I know it’s none of my business; however I understand what it’s like to live your life doing your best with little or no appreciation.  In addition to having outside influences cause unnecessary trouble and needless stress. I also know what it’s like to be in a relationship where the other person is selfish and self-serving.  Because of my own experiences, I have enormous compassion and understanding. I also feel I have a right to care… as a friend and as a human being in this world.  We all should care how people are treated!  The world would be a better place if we all had a little more humility.

Humility, or being humble, is the quality of being modest, reverential, even politely submissive, and never being arrogant, contemptuous, rude or even self-abasing. Humility, in various interpretations, is widely seen as a virtue in many religious and philosophical traditions, being connected with notions of transcendent unity and of egolessness.  Which mean having no emotional state of ego or selfishness.

Humility is often rewarded in relationships. It is the way of the world to fill the empty cup. Regardless of your position, humility is a positive and deceptively powerful attribute. True humility is a virtue to which all should aspire.

The happiest people are those who know how to bring each situation into balance by reducing that which is too great in their lives, and by adding to that which is too little. A humble person craves not power, but balanced and stable relationships. Humility is the virtue that allows you to perceive the balancing force; humble people are not prey to the many illusions that grow out of self-importance. If humility is not natural to our disposition, we should make a conscious effort to develop it.
“I claim to be a simple individual liable to err like any other fellow mortal. I own, however, that I have humility enough to confess my errors and to retrace my steps.” ~ Mahatma Gandhi

"This is the wish we should all have for each other: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, Love to complete your life." ~ Author Unknown

Manipulative People: Covert Aggressive Personality Disorder
Video on Narcissism

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  1. Hi Coreen,
    I love reading your posts. They are so well written and this topic I can so relate to.

    I never had a problem letting people know I didn't want them in my life. I didn't want the poison they bring with them. My sister once asked me how it was so easy for me to "let go" of people, I wondered why it was so hard for her!

    People like you described will use your friendship to show others that they are well meaning people because they are associated with you.

    There are so many people out there like this and many more who allow themselves to be manipulated and put down by them. They "brake" them to the point that they don't see a way out and they become their "victims". They confuse their victims to think that they will be lost without them. I feel sorry for your friend and I hope they soon have the strength to stand up to this bully.

  2. A wonderful post and such interesting reading.
    all the emotions you mentioned is all part of living, some have emotions that try to hurt others but if we can live by a few good ones what a happier place this world would be.


  3. This is all wonderfully written! There are those who build up and those who tear down, aren't there? It's hard for me to grasp or understand these people. I guess they want power and are very insecure in themselves.

  4. WOW----you described my youngest son's ex-wife... He has two children by her---but she has made his life a living hell. She is JUST like the woman you described (selfish, mean, manipulative, a liar, no compassion for anyone, no humility at all.... She is a 'piece of work'....

    YES---I want friends who are humble, who care about others, who are nice and who treats the glass as half full instead of half empty.... Having a joyful and positive attitude is what is important.


  5. Hello Coreen!

    What an excellent post - as we all know someone like this in our life. I, like you, like to believe in the goodness of people - but I learned the hard way that not all people are very compassionate or caring about others... they are very self-centered.

    As I read this I had a particular person in mind - someone who I thought was a good friend, but who turned out to be just this type of person you described... it's heart breaking when that happens - you feel like a fool for so blindly believing in them.

    However - I learned a lesson - that I can't just let everyone into my life - I can't allow these "toxic" people into my life because it only hurts me. Like you - I pray for them and hope that one day they'll see how they hurt others... I don't want revenge - just for them to be a better person...

    Thanks for writing this excellent post!!

    Christine :)

    P.S. - Thank you too for adding me to your blogroll!! (I already have you on mine :)

  6. Unfortunately we have all had run ins with this kind of personality. You are so right. They suck the life out of you. And the joy and peace too. I, thankfully, cut them out of my life and have been in peace ever since.
    Good topic

  7. Coreen,
    Many of us have to work hard not to get wrapped up in this unfriendly badger. It is a way of life for some, but makes me wonder what they feel when they are alone.They have to relive the untruths and pestilence they make a big part of their life. Not sure this really makes them happy, but it seems to fill a gap of insecurity they have developed.I live to be happy and hate to see others who have a hard time doing just that. When I thank nature for making me feel good I always wish health and happiness to all I know and have met.Opening ones heart to offer praise to all around you makes your life fuller and easier to cope with problems that arise.I'm with you to offer friendship to all and if they fail at understanding it, it is their lose. At some point they may finally understand what love and compassion really is, or be bitter for their whole life.

  8. back from a trip. great post unfortunately a self centered person can bring alot of frustration and anger. they will use people to get their needs. this is sad as in good faith reaching out to this person can be overwhelming and sad. thanks rose

  9. Very moving my friend. I'm now on a human mission to achieve personal humility. A minor fault of mine.

    Thanks for the pep talk and good luck with friend. :)
    Jules @ Trying To Get Over The Rainbow

  10. I've known people like that too. I've found it's best to stay on their good side but not to ever get too friendly with them.

  11. Found myself love in bloggy land and so glad I ended up here. Love the post. Blessings

  12. i loved this post.... very very interesting...

  13. You have truly so much insight into the personality of humans and how their traits affect others. I think we all know people you describe here, I often try to stay clear of those who have that kind of unpleasant aura about them.

  14. Coreen a topic even I can learn from. I know many times I should not be saying stuff only for my self gradification. The Lord is working on me in this area. Hard though. Blessings to you dear one.

  15. Coreen, you really summed that up in a tidy package. a tough one. AND, learning from these "type" of people is a HARD pill to swallow!

  16. i think how strong we are is not determined by how we are capable of dealing with bad friends, bad people, but how we are capable of staying away from them, because their manipulative nature will suck the life out of you, and will keep you sucked into their miserable lives.
    may we always have the wisdom to know and choose, and the time and the heart to keep good friendships in our lives.

  17. I agree with others, you write well! Interesting, a great description of life. Humility is a key, but hard to find?

  18. Wow - this was a wonderful post, very powerful.

  19. Coreen, this is simply stunningly beautiful!!! I love ALL the thoughts you've expressed here!! You are so wise...and inspiring!!! Just stopping by to say "hi" and look what a WONDERFUL and AMAZING post I found!!! So glad I didn't miss this!!! Love, Janine XO

  20. Just want you to know I am always lurking, I just don't often comment. But I LOVE your posts. You are such an articulate writer. Beautiful words and soo true!

  21. I totally agree with everything you said and I absolutely love the last comment by the unknown author.

    We seem a lot a like in a lot of ways.

    You are much younger and prettier though.


  22. Great post!! I often wonder why some people have to act the way they do!

  23. The nasty type of person you described sounds a LOT like my husband's ex wife. Only, she thinks she is the BEST person on the planet.

    People who always ALWAYS have to be right, even when they have to lie and manipulate to be right, are DEEPLY insecure. I avoid this type of person. Nothing good comes from this type of person. It is ok to RUN and stay far out of their reach. Life is toooooo short to spend much time with someone like this. They never change. Nothing ever changes with this type of person.


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