Should Unhappy Parents stay together for their Children? I say No...

My childhood was full of fighting, yelling, name calling and constant turmoil.  My parents were polar opposites who should have never been married, let alone stayed together 'for the kids'.  My dad was a good provider and a kind man, but he had a 'weekend' drinking problem sometimes.  My mother was just very unhappy, and that's what I remember most about her growing up.  At the time I didn't understand why she was so unhappy, but now I do.  I wish my parents had gotten divorced and been happy.

There has always been a Hugh debate on whether parents should stay together for their children.   

A recent on-line discussion at Fluther.com Should a couple ever stay together for the kids? has dozens of people giving their opinions and own stories. Few seem to feel that parents should stay together and most stories tell of unhappy childhoods and relationship problems later as a result.

Another website with opposite stories and opinions, is on the Daily Mail Do parents who stay together cause their children more harm? I wish my parents had divorced. I can totally relate to the first story and although the second author has a positive twist, I still don't feel she was better off.

I know many people who have experienced the damage themselves, as either children raised in unhappy homes or as parents who have experienced living in an unhappy marriage. I personally have experienced both. It's a cycle I finally broke and thankfully learned from.

Unfortunately many couples stay together for money reasons above all else. While money concerns are real, all the money in the world cannot make up for lack of 'peace' in a home.

I personally feel that unhappy parents should not stay together for their children. It's a proven fact that children who either hear verbal fighting and/or see physical fighting; have significant emotional and psychological damage; effecting many aspects in their life; especially their future relationships.

In my own personal experience, it caused much more damage than good. My parents stayed together because of money, and the effects on my self-esteem and relationship issues were horrific.  As an adult, I ended up in several controlling, abusive and dysfunctional relationships.  It took me a long time to overcome the anxiety and negative influences of seeing, hearing and experiencing the drama and even traumatic experiences that I was taught as a child, were normal and OK.

I now realize that people in these situations want to 'believe' those things, because the don't see a way out and justifying, making excuses and believing what they choose to, is one way they 'cope' and get through each day.

I remember after my own divorce, the feeling of 'calm' in the house and how my sons were more relaxed and happier.  My only regret was not giving my children a 'peaceful' home sooner than I did, because even 8 years later, I can still see the negative effects of exposing them to the drama they heard and saw for far too long.  I regret that more than anything else in my life.

More on this subject:
Staying for the kids sake
Can Unhappy Parents Raise Happy Children?
Together for the kids
Living a Lie

The Narcissistic Co-dependent Marriage/Relationship Symptoms