Turning Anger & Frustration into Determination

I didn't grow up with much encouragement or emotional support.    I was the type of child that needed someone to believe in me.  Say I could do this or do that.  That I should go for my dream of being an architect or whatever I wanted.  That I could do anything!  However I didn't and settled for accepting what life had to offer that was right in front of me or easy to obtain.  Jobs that I was offered or seemed to come along at a convenient time.  Friends that were close by or dates with men that seemed decent and worked out with the rest of my life at the time.

In the past few years I've had a change of opinion and attitude about all of those situations.  In fact, I've finally became angry with myself for just accepting some of them.  I believe in my sons and encourage them to do whatever they need to.  To succeed, be happy, to follow their dreams.  Whether it was convenient, the cheapest school, or the closest job, didn't matter.  What was best for them is what mattered! 

My oldest son went all over the country to compete and become part of the United States Powerlifting team and compete over seas 4 times.  He later attended college in Louisiana because of the powerlifting team there and a scholarship.  It was a great experience for him and one year from now he will become a Physical Therapist.  Moving whereever is the best place for him to start his new amazing life.

My middle son moved to Chicago to follow his dream of being a graphic designer.  He has flourished there!  Made artistic friends, continued school, gotten a new job with a large company and is going to Italy and Greece this fall with his art class.  He is living his dreams and I am so happy for him!

My youngest son is my triple miracle!  He was conceived after having my tubes tied.  Survived after a car accident I was in during my pregnancy.  Survived after being 10 weeks premature and is now succeeding in college with a diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome at the age of 11.  By a specialist that said he may never get better and teachers at the time that gave up on his even graduating high school.  All of them were wrong of course.  He is a Hugh success and my 'miracle' many times over!

Now to why I am angry with myself.  I'm not happy and it's no ones fault but my own.  I want a job where I can learn, flourish and grow.  But I've stayed where I'm at because it's close to where I live and it's convenient with my youngest son attending college close by.  However, I'm frustrated because I know it will never grow into what my dreams and aspirations are.   I'm also bored with my social life.  Actually frustrated with the fact that I don't make more of an effort to meet higher quality men.  I have continued to settle for what's easy and convenient in regards to the type of men who ask me out and dating in general.  Again, that's my own fault and only I can change that.

I've made a choice to put my life in a new direction.  I'm making plans and going to follow through, no matter how much effort and inconvenious it's all going to cause.   I'm unhappy and frustrated with my current situations and angry with myself for not doing something sooner.  So I've decided to use that anger and frustrated 'energy' and put it toward 'determination' in following my own dreams and asperations.  Starting today!  Because it's never too late and it's about time! :-)