How will you know....

“How do you decide who is the right person to share your life with? You will know that you have found the right person because you will feel balanced, stable, loved and the challenges that come with this person won’t drive you away.”

So many times over the years, I've meet someone and wondered, 'are they the one?'  Only to feel very differently about them or that prospect, after a date or two.  In fact, I seem to outgrow the men I meet... at the speed of light.

"I want to know their heart.  The rest is just details."

With everyone that comes in and out of my life, I learn at least one lesson and gain much insight into why people behave and feel the way they do.  Every experience I've had, has opened my eyes and my heart to many lessons.    

“The only reason we go through a difficult time, is for us to gain something from the experience and for us to grow. We can become better people, it’s all about learning and growing…”~Jacqueline 

Each lesson has given me the insight I've needed to understand others and to accept myself, just the way I am.  The lessons I've learned have lead me to acceptance and healing; allowing me to regain my 'self-respect' and grow into the person I was always meant to be.  

“Self-respect is the biggest lesson for all of us to learn and I think it is one of the most difficult. But wow, the rewards for learning this lesson are huge!"~Jacqueline

Once we see the reality of ourselves and our current situations, we can have perspective when we observe what is going on around us is.  Having perspective and an open heart, gives us true understanding and compassion.  

"It is endless all that can be revealed to us... if we open our hearts and see the lessons."

Now a days, I'm very specific in the qualities I want in the people I allow in my life.  Knowing and understanding who I am, has lead me to finally knowing exactly what I want, don't want, and deserve in my life and relationships... all relationships.  

Then listen to your intuition and your heart.  If they make you feel good and enhance your happiness... then they can be the one.  We have many 'ones' in our lifetime... it depends on where we are in our life and growth to whom is right for us at that time.

"You will 'know', once you 'know' and accept yourself and stop accepting less than what you 'know' you deserve."~Me

7 Ways to know if they're the One
The 3 Keys to know if they're the Onc
Deeper Dating: 3 Steps that lead to Love
Love them or Leave them

Believing in Me!

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 "You are in charge of your feelings, beliefs, and actions. And you teach others how to behave toward you. While you cannot change other people, you can influence them through your own behaviors and actions. By being a living role model of what you want to receive from others, you create more of what you want in your life." ~Eric Allenbaugh

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6 years ago I was still living back home in Nebraska. I say back home like it’s far away and that's funny because it’s just the next state over. In fact it’s only an hour from where I live now. However at times, it has felt like half way around the world from a 'small town' in Iowa.

The first few years here were incredibly hard for me. I had given up my home, my friends and a job I loved, with co-workers who were like family. What was even worse, I had given up my security for another person. That was a Hugh mistake that I will never make again. I now know that someone who truly loves you, wouldn't want you to give up everything; or anything that makes you happy for that matter.

I wanted to ‘believe’ all the ‘words’ and promises; that someone really wanted to 'share' lifes ups and downs and have a 'balanced' relationship.  I even convinced myself that it was God’s plan because this person came into not only my life, but also my son’s. At a time when I felt he really needed a man in his life. So I only saw what I wanted to see and I ignored my own gut. I wanted to ‘believe’ I was doing the right thing.

Moving to Iowa has worked out extremely well for my son and that I do believe was God’s plan. However I should have thought of myself back then and planned my move more carefully. But we live and learn and I have learned so much!

I learned that no one can take care of me better than I can take care of myself. That no one has the right to be manipulative and controlling; no matter what they’ve been through or how much they think you owe them. I have learned that I am stronger, smarter and braver than I ever imagined. I didn’t need anyone to help me with my son; I could do it on my own all along. I just needed to ‘believe’ in ME. 

"Self-confidence and a belief in yourself is a must. To instill confidence in others, you first must have confidence in yourself." ~Byron & Catherine Pulsifer, from Good-bye Manager, Hello Coach!

I want to say a special thank you to Shanae, @ Triumph and Tears for entering one of my previous post in her Contest.  Visit her Great blog when you can. :-)

Only Quality Stalkers please...

It is very hard for me to put myself out there. I have done so a few times in the last 5 years and it has never worked out well. In the past I have ended up embarrassed and even humiliated, making it almost impossible to trust the men who ask me out.

I want to understand why some men I meet turn out to be stalkers. Immediately deciding that I’m the ‘one’ and pursuing me at full speed. To the point I consider getting a restraining order because they won’t take no for an answer.

While other men, whom I think are a possible match, give mixed signals and play games. Men who seem interested one day and distant the next. These men are constantly running hot and cold in spite of my patience and remaining independent. I don’t understand them or why I seem to attract these mixed up souls.

For once I would like to attract an honest, sincere man who doesn’t play games. I want a man who will work at quality relationship and willing to fight for it or me as the case may be. That’s the man I want to pursue me next... a quality stalker please!
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Love Manual.....please

I've been waiting for the right man to come along for quite a while now. I've grown and figured out who I am. I've rejected the wrong men and learned what the good ones should be like. I've put myself out there trying to find true love and been hurt and even embarrassed a few times. 

However this time, I feel totally different. A calm inside of me from being absolutely certain that he is the 'One' capable of loving me and appreciative of genuine love in return. The one whose own heart, soul, character, and ability to love is a perfect match to my own.

I agree with the understanding that taking your time will season a relationship and make it even better later on. But after a while you start to think 'Life is too Short" to wait too long. So when is the right time and who should make the first move?  An even harder question is who should say the 'love' word first? 

I understand that everyone has other things in their life that occupy their time. Jobs, kids, homes, and other responsibilities and stresses. But you don't want the right one to slip away because they didn't think you were interested. Or to run away if you scare them by being too forward too soon.

I've never had a problem in the last 5 years, just walking away from men, because I knew they weren't the one. But what do you do when you think they are? How much time do you give things to work out?

Can someone please give me a love manual to follow, so I don't make any mistakes?  A love manual for the great relationship I am so longing for and finally believe I deserve....please!

Falling in Love for All the Right Reasons

I recently read the book "Falling in Love for All Right Reasons" by Neil Clark Warren. He is the co-founder of eHarmony. He goes through the 29 dimensions of relationship compatibility. The main characterizes are in regards to values, character, mindset, temperament, and attitudes toward parenting.

Nowhere in the 29 dimensions does he mention either age or location. Yet most people pick someone to be in a relationship with based on one or both of those 2 things. Location especially seems to be a top priority for many people, just because it’s easier and more convenient.

I have always thought that after high school or 21, that age is just a number. So it was extremely interesting that age was also not one of the 29 dimensions.

The men I've dated have been a variety of ages. With none of them has age ever been a determination of their maturity, respect for others, values or morals.. In fact in my experience, age has nothing to do the character of a person or their compatibility to anyone.

The book is very good and I would highly recommend it to anyone who wants to understand relationships and why some couples last and why some end up being polar opposites and get divorced.  Which is ok in my oppion, becasue I beleive people have a right to be happy.

So find the right person for you, fall in love for all the right reasons and above all "Be Happy"!
"Falling in Love for All the Right Reasons" by Neil Clark Warren.

What Most Men Really Want from a Date.

As I've mentioned in previous blogs, I started dating about five years ago and it’s been one learning experience after another.

I realized rather quickly that most men don’t ask me out because they know I’m ‘special’.  And even fewer men want to really get to know ‘me’ on the inside. Most of these charming men just want to sleep with me.

They quickly discover that I’m looking for a genuine ‘relationship’ and not one based solely on physical attraction. Although the physically part of a relationship is important, I am looking for good character and similar values, morals and faith. I want a relationship built on a foundation of trust, respect and friendship. I am not settling for less.

Few men seem to understand what I’m talking about when I try to explain it to them. So I usually end up saying “I need some darn good reasons to take the estrogen and shave my legs” and that they haven’t given me any.  That usually gives them the hint that I’m not interested in them. 

I am very traditional and conservative in my beliefs. I love taking care of my family, home and being involved in all my children’s activities. I want a man who also enjoys those same ‘family’ values and activities. And I would love to be in a relationship where we take care of each other.

When I find a man with character, the same values, enjoys the same things and treats me like a ‘lady’, that will be the man for me. I believe it’s worth the wait for that ‘ONE’! 

Finding that 'ONE' right man.

After my divorce several years ago, I started meeting new friends and going out.  I quickly rememembered why I didn’t date much in high school.  Because dating can be uncomfortible and even scary at times. 

In the last 5 years I have dated quite a bit. Most have only been 1st dates, where I knew right away they were not the ‘ONE’ I was looking for. So I didn’t accept another date. Others I thought could be, so I went on a few more dates. I then either realized I didn’t feel what I should. Or I saw red flags, and RAN!

At times I’ve been told that I don’t give even the nice guys a chance. So I've gone on some second dates, just to make sure they were not the ‘One’. But that has never changed my initial intuition or gut feeling.  It has only confused and hurt some good men. Which is never my intention and I always feel bad when that happens.

I dated one man who was very nice, but who lived 2 hours away.  At that time in my life, I didn’t have the strength or energy for a long distance relationship. Another man I dated a few times seemed very nice at first.  I quickly realized that he was controlling and manipultive.  He just didn't want to be alone and wanted someone to take care of him.  Actually, I've met more than a few men like that the last 5 years.

Several other men I briefly went out with were very angry and bitter toward their ex-wives or girlfriends. I don’t want someone who is angry or bitter.  Life is too short for that.  So I knew right away that none of them were the 'one' for me either.

Then of course there were the smooth, sweet talking men who were only after one thing. These men were all very self-centered with little or no real respect for women. They go from one pretty flower to the next with no intention of building a lasting relationship. These types of men get angry when a woman wants to wait until she is sure where the relationship is going.  Men like this are never the 'one' for any women.  This is why all women should have ‘rules’ or standards if you will.  Having standards gets rid of men like this very quickly.

I believe there should be more depth and meaning in a relationship than just self gratification and living in the moment. ~ “If you’re not worth the wait, it’s a sure sign they are NOT the ‘ONE’!” ~Me

Another complaint I've heard is that I’m too picky.  I disagree with that perspective too.  It's not that I'm too critical.  It's that I know exactly what qualities I’m looking for in a man.  There is a difference!  In the past I have lacked self-esteem and almost settled for less than what I deserve.  So a few years ago I raised the bar.  Since then some men have argued that my ‘bar’ is set too darn high! My response to that is ‘it’s about time’!

I’m an extremely passionate person, with emotions that run very deep.  That is who I am!  I want to be with someone who appreciates those characteristics and truely understands me! Someone with similar beliefs, family values and a positive attitude!  A man with the same heart and soul as myself, if at all possible.  I’m waiting for that ‘ONE’!

"We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." ~Sam Keen