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"The Greatest gift that you can give to others is the gift of unconditional love and acceptance!" ~Brian Tracy

All post and stories are the sole property of Velvet Over Steel aka Coreen Trost. I write and create post in order to help others, so share as you want. I just ask that you link back or give VOS credit. Some of the stories are going into a book in progress. Thank You ALL.. for your support and help!!
"If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader." ~ John Quincy Adams

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Finding that 'ONE' right man.

After my divorce several years ago, I started meeting new friends and going out.  I quickly rememembered why I didn’t date much in high school.  Because dating can be uncomfortible and even scary at times. 

In the last 5 years I have dated quite a bit. Most have only been 1st dates, where I knew right away they were not the ‘ONE’ I was looking for. So I didn’t accept another date. Others I thought could be, so I went on a few more dates. I then either realized I didn’t feel what I should. Or I saw red flags, and RAN!

At times I’ve been told that I don’t give even the nice guys a chance. So I've gone on some second dates, just to make sure they were not the ‘One’. But that has never changed my initial intuition or gut feeling.  It has only confused and hurt some good men. Which is never my intention and I always feel bad when that happens.

I dated one man who was very nice, but who lived 2 hours away.  At that time in my life, I didn’t have the strength or energy for a long distance relationship. Another man I dated a few times seemed very nice at first.  I quickly realized that he was controlling and manipultive.  He just didn't want to be alone and wanted someone to take care of him.  Actually, I've met more than a few men like that the last 5 years.

Several other men I briefly went out with were very angry and bitter toward their ex-wives or girlfriends. I don’t want someone who is angry or bitter.  Life is too short for that.  So I knew right away that none of them were the 'one' for me either.

Then of course there were the smooth, sweet talking men who were only after one thing. These men were all very self-centered with little or no real respect for women. They go from one pretty flower to the next with no intention of building a lasting relationship. These types of men get angry when a woman wants to wait until she is sure where the relationship is going.  Men like this are never the 'one' for any women.  This is why all women should have ‘rules’ or standards if you will.  Having standards gets rid of men like this very quickly.

I believe there should be more depth and meaning in a relationship than just self gratification and living in the moment. ~ “If you’re not worth the wait, it’s a sure sign they are NOT the ‘ONE’!” ~Me

Another complaint I've heard is that I’m too picky.  I disagree with that perspective too.  It's not that I'm too critical.  It's that I know exactly what qualities I’m looking for in a man.  There is a difference!  In the past I have lacked self-esteem and almost settled for less than what I deserve.  So a few years ago I raised the bar.  Since then some men have argued that my ‘bar’ is set too darn high! My response to that is ‘it’s about time’!

I’m an extremely passionate person, with emotions that run very deep.  That is who I am!  I want to be with someone who appreciates those characteristics and truely understands me! Someone with similar beliefs, family values and a positive attitude!  A man with the same heart and soul as myself, if at all possible.  I’m waiting for that ‘ONE’!
"We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." ~Sam Keen
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  1. KUDOS Coreen! I agree with you 100%, and to do anything different would mean that you are taking a chance on settling for a relationship which will by those standards would be more apt to fail.

    With your awesome attitude, at least you are upping the odds for a successful relationship.

    Besides, the *ONE* will respect you for your strength & determination to not compromise who you are for *them*.

    *them* = the *ONE* (or at least he would be in the running!:-] )

  2. I think you just nailed what me and almost every woman thinks about! You are very passionate that I can see its wounderful that you can date and put yourself out there. I would strive every day to be a little more like that. Coreen you rock!

  3. Thank you for your comments and 'kudos'! You are both awesome women and great friends! :-)

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