I'm sure not perfect...

Everyone has been very kind with their comments about my post and on my parenting. Those comments bring me worth and encouragement. But I also cringe because I made a lot of mistakes too.

Although I feel I have done my best under extreme stress at times, I am FAR from perfect. I used to be a highly emotional person with a lot of damage from my own childhood to overcome. Then there's the damage from my adult relationships that I am still healing from.

I listen to the stories of my new friends on here and see the difference a happy committed couple of parents can truly make when raising children. Especially when you have a special needs child and dealing with schools, teachers and even family.

In my own situation, I not only dealt with most of it on my own, but worst than that, was fighting with my own spouse on 'our' son's diagnosis and needs. We fought about everything. From whose fault it was to what he could and could not control. It was horribly stressful on all my sons and myself. It took me a long time to forgive myself for allowing that.

I have so many regrets! I still feel horribly guilty for what my sons' witnesses and listened to. Especially my special needs son who knew we fought about him. I wished so much for my spouse to be supportive and for us to work together for your son. Unfortunately that never happened.

I have since forgiven him and I'm sure he sees things very differently now. He is back in our son's life and that means so much to him. I am glad that we get along now although I am still a single parent and carry all the stress. At least I feel that other people finally see my son like I do. Smart and a great young man! Finally!!

Finding that 'ONE' right man.

After my divorce several years ago, I started meeting new friends and going out.  I quickly rememembered why I didn’t date much in high school.  Because dating can be uncomfortible and even scary at times. 

In the last 5 years I have dated quite a bit. Most have only been 1st dates, where I knew right away they were not the ‘ONE’ I was looking for. So I didn’t accept another date. Others I thought could be, so I went on a few more dates. I then either realized I didn’t feel what I should. Or I saw red flags, and RAN!

At times I’ve been told that I don’t give even the nice guys a chance. So I've gone on some second dates, just to make sure they were not the ‘One’. But that has never changed my initial intuition or gut feeling.  It has only confused and hurt some good men. Which is never my intention and I always feel bad when that happens.

I dated one man who was very nice, but who lived 2 hours away.  At that time in my life, I didn’t have the strength or energy for a long distance relationship. Another man I dated a few times seemed very nice at first.  I quickly realized that he was controlling and manipultive.  He just didn't want to be alone and wanted someone to take care of him.  Actually, I've met more than a few men like that the last 5 years.

Several other men I briefly went out with were very angry and bitter toward their ex-wives or girlfriends. I don’t want someone who is angry or bitter.  Life is too short for that.  So I knew right away that none of them were the 'one' for me either.

Then of course there were the smooth, sweet talking men who were only after one thing. These men were all very self-centered with little or no real respect for women. They go from one pretty flower to the next with no intention of building a lasting relationship. These types of men get angry when a woman wants to wait until she is sure where the relationship is going.  Men like this are never the 'one' for any women.  This is why all women should have ‘rules’ or standards if you will.  Having standards gets rid of men like this very quickly.

I believe there should be more depth and meaning in a relationship than just self gratification and living in the moment. ~ “If you’re not worth the wait, it’s a sure sign they are NOT the ‘ONE’!” ~Me

Another complaint I've heard is that I’m too picky.  I disagree with that perspective too.  It's not that I'm too critical.  It's that I know exactly what qualities I’m looking for in a man.  There is a difference!  In the past I have lacked self-esteem and almost settled for less than what I deserve.  So a few years ago I raised the bar.  Since then some men have argued that my ‘bar’ is set too darn high! My response to that is ‘it’s about time’!

I’m an extremely passionate person, with emotions that run very deep.  That is who I am!  I want to be with someone who appreciates those characteristics and truely understands me! Someone with similar beliefs, family values and a positive attitude!  A man with the same heart and soul as myself, if at all possible.  I’m waiting for that ‘ONE’!

"We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." ~Sam Keen