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"Fill your mind with light, happiness, hope, feelings of security and strength, and soon your life will reflect these qualities." ~Unknown

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"The Greatest gift that you can give to others is the gift of unconditional love and acceptance!" ~Brian Tracy

All post and stories are the sole property of Velvet Over Steel aka Coreen Trost. I write and create post in order to help others, so share as you want. I just ask that you link back or give VOS credit. Some of the stories are going into a book in progress. Thank You ALL.. for your support and help!!
"If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader." ~ John Quincy Adams

Sunday, March 7, 2010

I'm sure not perfect...

Everyone has been very kind with their comments about my post and on my parenting. Those comments bring me worth and encouragement. But I also cringe because I made a lot of mistakes too.

Although I feel I have done my best under extreme stress at times, I am FAR from perfect. I used to be a highly emotional person with a lot of damage from my own childhood to overcome. Then there's the damage from my adult relationships that I am still healing from.

I listen to the stories of my new friends on here and see the difference a happy committed couple of parents can truly make when raising children. Especially when you have a special needs child and dealing with schools, teachers and even family.

In my own situation, I not only dealt with most of it on my own, but worst than that, was fighting with my own spouse on 'our' son's diagnosis and needs. We fought about everything. From whose fault it was to what he could and could not control. It was horribly stressful on all my sons and myself. It took me a long time to forgive myself for allowing that.

I have so many regrets! I still feel horribly guilty for what my sons' witnesses and listened to. Especially my special needs son who knew we fought about him. I wished so much for my spouse to be supportive and for us to work together for your son. Unfortunately that never happened.

I have since forgiven him and I'm sure he sees things very differently now. He is back in our son's life and that means so much to him. I am glad that we get along now although I am still a single parent and carry all the stress. At least I feel that other people finally see my son like I do. Smart and a great young man! Finally!!

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  1. Single parenhood is no picnic but in the end we can smile knowing we are the ones there for everything and some moments we have with our kids would probably not happen if we were married.


  2. Hmmm. I always felt that because of some things, other things happen. You went through a lot it seems to become a very strong and confident mom. Good for you! Sometimes those rough times are just horrible ways to learn things. I bet your sons will be very good husbands as a result of whatever they have taken in. :o)

  3. I can't imagine what it must be like to raise a child on your own, particularly a special needs one. It sounds like you are really working hard, though, and I can't think of a better gift to give them!! Cheers!

  4. Hello girl and kudos to you..... I raised two boys on my own and it is not easy.. You have been given a gift and if given a gift then the Father God will give you the strength....I look back on my journey and my two boys are strong and good men....... Your passion and compassion will guide you.....

  5. Thanks for stopping over at my place!! I love making new friends!!! :)

    Your story is very inspiring. I'm so sorry for all the rough patches and hard times, but it seems like you and your boys are stronger for it.

    Your boys are so lucky to have you.

  6. My former spouse is still learning how to think of our children as PRIORITY -- the whole child, I mean, emotionally, morally, spiritually, etc. -- sometimes there is improvement, sometimes, not. I'm happy that your son's Dad was able to come around. Hopefully, my children's Dad will see what the future holds for a Dad when he honors his children's spirits FIRST. I am trying too to make sure that my decisions are in their best interest as well. I'll be following.

  7. Blessings to you. My mother was a only parent. We are very close b/c of this and I can now look back and see the hardships she went through for me. You are a blessing to your sons. Catherine

  8. Sorry to hear about the battles you had with your son's father, all to common when dealing with mixed emotions and trying to find a blame for something that is no one's fault.

    CJ xx

  9. Good mothers are the rock of all things...

    you have the makings for a good one...

  10. Sounds like you are doing the right things, and can take time out for yourself if possible xx

  11. Thank you ALL so very much!! oooxxx ~ Coreen

  12. I can relate to that. I wasn't married for very long (just 4 years) to my ex but we fought about EVERYTHING. One of the reasons we got divorced is because he disagreed with every single parenting thing I ever thought or suggested. It's IMPOSSILBE to parent, especially a child that needs extra help, when you are fighting with your spouse over it too.

    We will NEVER see eye-to-eye on the parenting thing, although he tries to be more helpful (he is part of the problem) now. It's a real challenge. I'm glad I got out before my son could have too many memories of our marriage. It was just all bad.


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