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Hoping that Autism Awareness brings Compassion and Understanding

April is Autism Awareness month and this link Raising Autism Awareness gives lot of information.  My personal hope, from personal experiences raising a child with a diagnosis in the Autism Spectrum, is that autism awareness will give people the information they need to be more compassionate and understanding to both those with autism and those caring for them.

A blogging friend of mine and fellow Asperger parent has an awesome blog that feeds to mine. She recently responded to another blogger who, along with some of her followers, made fun of an autistic child and criticized the parenting of her caregiver.  My friend wrote an appropriate and informative response:  Snarky Ignorance and Autism Awareness.   I could not have responded any better.

Elise wrote what I have felt and experienced many times while raising my youngest son who has Asperger Syndrome.  Long before he had a correct diagnosis, and even afterwards, I experienced enormous criticism, judgement and even cruelty from people who did not know me or my son, let alone lived in my home, walked in my shoes or lived through our experiences. 

When we moved to Iowa my son and I were both hoping for a fresh start.  Unfortunately that didn't happen and we were very disappointed by that.  In fact it seemed to us that many, but not all of course, were more critical and judgemental.   They found nothing but fault with my son.  Not willing or open minded enough to understand, let alone find any compassion.  Unlike back home, where people looked at how far my son had come, instead of how far he still needed to go. 

Education wise, it was a fresh start for my son.  Even that though took time to overcome the excuses and preconceived attitudes from the previous school.  The current school would ask for records and high school credits and the previous school couldn't provide much more than attendance records.  There were no high school credits to transfer but there were lots of excuses for that and for not having given my son an education the last 3 years he was there. 

The reason my son didn't get an education at his previous school wasn't because they didn't know he had Asperger Syndrome, that answer had come 4 years eariler.  But because they refused to understand Asperger's and provide my son that understanding and the assistance his doctor recommended.  They judged both my parenting and the things he did, that he couldn't help. 

The anxiety and learning disabilities are real for these children and adults.  They do not choose to be different or even difficult.  Again Elise explains this all so well in her recent blog on Raising Asperger Kids.  I wish more people understood that we as autism  parents know what works and doesn't work for our children.  We are the ones that live with the set backs, melt downs, judgements and cruelty that our children experience.  We are doing the best that we can with what we have for our children and grandchildren. 

In many cases, such as the grandmother of the little girl in the blog post, and myself as a single parent, we are doing the best we can 'by ourselves' because others don't know how to deal with it, and have walked away.  The grandmother in the blog, should be commended for not giving up on her granddaughter and sending her away like so many adults do to these autistic children.  She is a hero in my book! 
a message for smockityfrocks

Shout out to a Great blog post by Elise @ Raising Asperger Kids

I'm sure not perfect...

Everyone has been very kind with their comments about my post and on my parenting. Those comments bring me worth and encouragement. But I also cringe because I made a lot of mistakes too.

Although I feel I have done my best under extreme stress at times, I am FAR from perfect. I used to be a highly emotional person with a lot of damage from my own childhood to overcome. Then there's the damage from my adult relationships that I am still healing from.

I listen to the stories of my new friends on here and see the difference a happy committed couple of parents can truly make when raising children. Especially when you have a special needs child and dealing with schools, teachers and even family.

In my own situation, I not only dealt with most of it on my own, but worst than that, was fighting with my own spouse on 'our' son's diagnosis and needs. We fought about everything. From whose fault it was to what he could and could not control. It was horribly stressful on all my sons and myself. It took me a long time to forgive myself for allowing that.

I have so many regrets! I still feel horribly guilty for what my sons' witnesses and listened to. Especially my special needs son who knew we fought about him. I wished so much for my spouse to be supportive and for us to work together for your son. Unfortunately that never happened.

I have since forgiven him and I'm sure he sees things very differently now. He is back in our son's life and that means so much to him. I am glad that we get along now although I am still a single parent and carry all the stress. At least I feel that other people finally see my son like I do. Smart and a great young man! Finally!!

Anyone Can Learn!

I believe that anyone can learn if given the proper environment and tools they need. I also feel that everyone can improve their social skills if given the opportunities, examples and support in social situations.

My own son, with Asperger Syndrome, has come further than any doctor or teacher in his past, ever thought he would. When he finally received the proper diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome at the age of 11, I was told by the pediatric specialist that he may never care about other people’s feelings, come out of his own world or learn. She was probably preparing me for the worst… but I didn’t want to hear it.

There have been numerous teachers in my son’s past who never thought he he could learn, let alone graduate high school let alone go to college. That was event when he was isolated 7th through 9th grades. Just minimal school work with an aid in a small private room every day. No regular classes to learn in and no high school credits.

Even in the high school that finally gave him the tools, understanding and encouragement to learn, few thought he would accomplish all that he has. Despite any personal opinions, everyone still gave him the help, resources, regular classes and education that they gave every other student. They never gave up on my son learning!

However, every once in a while, I would get wind of a negative comment made by a staff member at school and my ‘momma’ claws would come out. I didn’t want anyone working with my son to have an attitude that he could not learn or succeed. Or even more, I didn’t want anyone talking about my son behind ‘our’ backs and causing negative attitudes to effect how he was treated. I had seen that happen at his previous school. Of course now, he is a Hugh success story and I would hope no one there doubts he can learn or his future anymore!

I always knew he was smart and could learn. That he just needed the tools, or assistive technology in his case, along with the understanding of the anxiety associated with Asperger Syndrome. My son needed understanding and the confidence to learn and was lucky enough to finally find an awesome school with incredible teachers and staff that truly believed that everyone can learn!
http://www.velvetoversteel.com/

A Grandmother's Love Leads to School for Disabled Children

She Couldn't Find the Right School for Her Grandson, So She Built Her Own.  Now that is LOVE!

Asperger Syndrome "Falls Through the Cracks"

Every since I found out my son had Asperger Syndrome I have been trying to find services and support for him. I wanted him to get all the educational, social and job skills training that is available.
What I quickly found out is that his diagnosis ‘falls through the cracks’ in regards to services available. He doesn’t have Autism, Mental retardation, Down syndrome or any of the more commonly known disabilities. He has Asperger Syndrome, which is often referred to as High-Funtioning Autism and falls under Pervasive Developmental Disorders or PDD.

Of course those with more commonly known disabilities should receive the services they do, no doubt about that. But it has been very frustrating and disappointing to both my son and I that there is little to nothing available for those with Asperger Syndrome.

One main example is job training and assistance. My son has wanted to work, have a job, for many years. Something I always knew would help him mature, build his self-confidence and gain more social skills.

However we have struggled to find job opportunities. Even harder to find is the funding for job training and job coaches. Those with Asperger Syndrome need these not only for the training needed but also to help them through the initial anxiety that is so common with Asperger Syndrome.

This is an issue that I am constantly being told is because Asperger Syndrome and Pervasive Developmental Disorder or PDD, “falls through the cracks” of services available. I have refused to accept that answer and continue to fight for more services and opportunities for my son and others like him.

I know my son can succeed and I only want the tools he needs in order to be fully independent someday. Isn’t that better than the alternative for these children and young adults?  I think more should be available to encourage their independance instead of dependance.  The system is broken and it needs to be fixed.
http://www.velvetoversteel.blogspot.com/