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All post and stories are the sole property of Velvet Over Steel aka Coreen Trost. I write and create post in order to help others, so share as you want. I just ask that you link back or give VOS credit. Some of the stories are going into a book in progress. Thank You ALL.. for your support and help!!
"If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader." ~ John Quincy Adams

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Attitude and Conflict

We see conflict everywhere; on the news, in the work place, and unfortunately in our homes sometimes. We see people deal with conflict badly and admire people who handle conflict resolution in a calm rational manner.

Conflict is described as a disagreement through which the parties involved perceive a threat to their needs, interests or concerns.  So a conflict is really a personal perception of what is important to an individual.  A person's point of view based on their own interest, values or needs.  That explains why some conflicts are so passionate and even heated at times.

How we handle those times of conflict has a lot to do with our attitude.  If we really want to find a resolution.  If we really care about the situation or the people involved.  Or do we just want to fight because we are so unhappy and don't care about the consequences and the damage we cause.
"Whenever you're in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude."-William James
I totally agree with this quote. I personally spent way too many years with someone who wanted to fight and had to be right no matter what. I was the peace keeper who just wanted 'calm' in my home and life. I could go the rest of my life without ever fighting or arguing again. Probably won't happen, but I would like that.

Everyone will disagree, at least once in a while, but I see no need to fight.  I think right there is an attitude, an attitude of peace.  Of deciding not to fight, to communicate and agreeing to work things out. Anything can be discussed calmly with the right attitude.  If you truely care about the person you are having a conflict with, I think you should focus on that as much as possible.  Words can never be taken back, no matter how many times you say you're sorry.   I learned a long time ago that words can cut deeper than anything physical and I have experienced both. 

So how do you deal with conflict?  Do you think the right attitude makes a difference to the outcome?
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  1. For me, its perfectly okay to agree to disagree. There doesn't have to be a winner and loser. :)

  2. See, that's a good attitude right there! :-)

  3. Velvet Over Steel,

    This is a great post. I wish all teachers could read it. I am like you. I will go to great lengths to avoid conflict. God gave us all special gifts and talents and at times, I have to remind myself of that when I disagree with a person. If God can forgive me, who am I to want to hold a grudge or leave a conflict unresolved. I would agree with DL, agree to disagree diplomatically and let it go.

  4. Aww Coreen- I'm so sorry to know you've had to deal with so much pain. I'm happy life is good now. You're right- the attitude really matters. May the word just spread and turn the world into a nicer place.

    As for you, stay good. God bless :)

  5. There's a right way and a wrong way of dealing with anything, Be in a calm state of mind always get more results than being angry.

    Have a nice day.

  6. This is a very good post, Coreen. I agree that attitude counts for a lot on how conflict is resolved. :)

  7. i think that attitude has a lot to do with conflict...i think knowing how you are going to handle conflist before you get into it matters even more...if you have really engaging relationships their will be conflict...particularly in a marriage...we have rules we established early on that help guide us in those moments.

  8. I TOTALLY is all in the attitude. I have certain individuals in my life that are the same way...always have to be right. I just figure I have to let it go. Great post!

  9. Though I have trouble putting the concept into action--I really do believe attitude has everything to do with it. I am working on one of those people who let things go. Every day I see people who hold on to hurt and it just ends up hurting them.

  10. I try to avoid conflict. I don't deal well with it. Sometimes I'll let things continue even though they annoy me and piss me off before I say anything which just annoys and pisses me off even more, only I'm more mad at myself at that point because I let it continue. Then when I finally do say how I feel, it's always a huge relief afterwards!

    I do agree attitude has a lot to do with things. Life is what you make of it and attitude counts.

  11. interesting article which many people should read, handling conflict is different throughout, it depends on the person, great post :)

  12. I used to argue my point to no end. But I've grown inside and now I just let it go. It's much better this way. Less stress on the mind and body.


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