People often stay far too long in relationships that they no longer desire. They do this out of guilt, fear, and even out of a sense of 'loyalty' to their partner. Even in cases where abuse exists; whether it's physical, verbal or stress through constant arguing. All are damaging!
Many people find themselves staying simply for their partner's benefit. Disregarding their own needs or desires because of how they were raised or what they went through in their childhoods. Such as family abandoning you or another family member (spiritually, mentally, emotionally or physically). Along with remembering what our parents told us about ourselves, words that are still in our mind and body (many of us are still ill as a result of old words or beliefs).
I personally know men with unhealthy 'loyalty' issues developed from belief systems instilled in them at an early age. Such as loyalty to our families no matter what. Although 'noble' in an age of 'dead beat' dads, it is still very painful to watch these 'good' men and fathers to be unhappy and even suffer at times.
Any belief pattern or conditioning that keeps us 'stuck' and unmoving/growing as a human being is unhealthy for us. When loyalty to someone is dangerous to our health or well being, it is just wrong in my opinion. Remember, I've been there and done that. So I'm talking from personal experience as well as watching friends go through similar situations.
I have several friends, male and female, with unhealthy loyalty perspectives to partners who literally drain the life out of them. Most suffer from chronic fatigue or a disease developed from the stress, that dis-empowers them physically.
I've know first hand and it's like air being taken out of the balloon; only it is your energy leaking out until you have nothing left for your self--no healthy boundaries. Again, as a result of unhealthy loyalty issues they developed from their childhoods.
Like women, men in unhealthy and unhappy relationships, may feel blue or may not get pleasure from activities they once enjoyed. But a few other things commonly show up in men that may not be recognized as signs and symptoms of problems.
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Escapist behavior is the most common. This includes: spending a lot of time at work, on sports, stalling or avoiding going home, 'over' volunteering to be away from home more, and even living their lives vicariously through on-line resources such as social websites, blogs, etc. etc. etc....
Men are usually confronted with greater emotional adjustment problems than women, if and when they do decide to pursue a separation or breakup. The reasons for this are related to the loss of intimacy, the loss of social connection, reduced finances (including giving up at least half of all they have worked hard for), along with the common interruption of the parental role.
The following article explains many of the relationship issues, reasons behind them, where unhealthy loyalty comes from and most importantly, how to get out of an Unhealthy / Unhappy relationship.
Should You Leave Him (or Her)? How to Know When to Breakup
Sometimes, it can be difficult to know when to leave a relationship. Perhaps things aren't great, but they're not too bad either. It's easy to sit on the fence for a while and just let fate take over, but it's better to make a deliberate choice to stay or go. When making this decision, an important question to ask yourself is, "Is this relationship unhealthy?"
Unhealthy relationships follow identifiable patterns. Though circumstances always vary from couple to couple, they are often characterized by:
- Frequent arguments
- Frequent criticism on either side
- Inability to tolerate the other's personal quirks
- Intolerance of the other's friends or family
- Unfair expectations
- Hyper-sensitivity by one or both partners
- Intolerance of occasional lapses of attention
- Psychological problems that lead to behavioral ones
- Inability to address conflicts in a mature fashion
- Excessive jealousy and mistrust (they assume, over-react and blow everything out of proportion)
- Extreme insecurity or major obstacles involving low self-esteem
- One or both partners have addictive or destructive tendencies
- Few, if any, mutual friends
- One partner gets easily upset over unimportant or petty things
- Excessive clingy-ness
- One or both partners feels as if they are "walking on eggshells" much of the time
- Difficulty discussing feelings
This is by no means an exhaustive list, and just represents some of the traits that characterize an unhealthy relationship.
Your significant other is supposed to be a source of comfort in the world, not a persistent source of stress and anxiety. If your relationship offers no sense of peace or safety, it's time to end it. If the problems escalate to physical or emotional abuse, the need to breakup is even more urgent.
People often stay far too long in relationships that they no longer desire. They do this out of guilt, or a sense of loyalty to their partner (even in cases where abuse exists). Many people find themselves staying simply for their partner's benefit.
Why Can't You Leave?
Relationships are a choice. Or at least, they should be. Sometimes, we realize that a relationship is no longer working, but we stay anyway. There are many reasons why people stay stuck in relationships they no longer want, including:
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Guilt -- You can't bear the thought of hurting our partner
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Loyalty -- You've invested so much and have a long history with them,
even if it's a bad history
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Misplaced priorities -- You feel that your partner's needs are more important than your own
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Expectations - - You don't want to
disappoint your family or your partner's family by breaking up
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Financial or logistical reasons -- You don't have the money to leave, you live together, or you have a child together (sometimes a good reason to maintain a relationship, but not always)
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He or she will "freak out" -- You fear your partner's reaction to the news
If your partner stands in the way of you living a fulfilling life, you probably need to leave. That doesn't mean disregarding commitments and responsibilities, but
you should never feel trapped in a life you don't want. All relationships require some amount of sacrifice,
but giving up the possibility for happiness is not part of the deal. Author: Michael Freeman
Read more:
www.articlesbase.com/relationships-articles
If you want to leave your partner but have too much fear and anxiety at the thought of breaking up, there is help. Check out the links below.
Michael Freeman, M.A., helps women and men get FREEDOM from unhappy relationships.
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Should you leave him/her? How to know when to breakup.
Why Battered Men Stay in Abusive Relationships
Children Need their Dads too!
Single Dad Financial Help.com
Mediation Services
mayoclinic/male-depression
The Violence of Verbal Abuse
Living a Lie
When to Help a Friend and When to Walk Away
What STRESS Does to Us
Should Unhappy Parents Stay Together
Manipulative People: Covert Aggressive Personality Disorder
