I have a friend who keeps saying they want to be happy. Then just when I think they are following their hearts and allowing them self to be happy, they suddenly get pulled back into unhealthy and unhappy situations again and again... going down the path that everyone including them, knows won't bring them happiness. It's very frustrating and heartbreaking to see this happen... and it happens every single time.
So what can a friend do? I understand what this friend is going through, because I've been there. However, I didn't have a support system or the knowledge that I have now. My self-esteem was also very low back then. This person is very intelligent, can support them self, has support and in the end... I think knows better. But they keep going back for more unhappiness and even abuse... out of guilt and unhealthy misplaced loyalty.
This certainly isn't the first time I've been in this situation as a friend. In fact, this is the 4th time in 6 years that I have tried to 'save' a friend. Every other time I was told one thing... that they wanted help or that I was helping them. Only to discover through my own misfortune, that they were just using my friendship for strength to get them through. That they had no real desire to change or change their situation.
I thought each time of course that I was being a good friend, and I was. However, I also thought/believed each time that the lop-sided friendship of my giving and them taking, would balance out once they took care of their situation. Whatever that was. To get out of a bad relationship, stop drinking, being depressed, etc. etc. etc. Only each of those times, that never happened. I gave without getting anything back and I was left feeling empty... in fact drained and even used. Used as a friend... for support, comfort and strength.
This last experience I again was being a good friend to someone who needed me. They did! However, when I thought I was giving them strength to change their situation. I now feel that I was only giving them strength to endure their situation, not get out or change it. Because they once again seem to have been pulled back in... out of guilt or fear and have chosen the path that once again won't bring them happiness.
The last time this friend called me, just to hear my voice in order to give them 'strength' and 'comfort', it really upset me. Very upset, worried, hurt and even angry after I hung up the phone... with both myself and my friend. With myself, because I realized the pattern of being used in a friendship. I've been worried sick about my friend, losing sleep and caring too much once again. Upset with my friend because they should know how worried I am, that I have a heart condition and don't need the extra stress in my life. Yet they keep taking my support, draining my caring energy... while giving me none of those things in return.
They used to give great support and inspiration to me. I once felt we had a balanced relationship... but that was very early in our friendship. Somewhere along the way I let the friendship become unbalanced. That is my fault, because I let it.
Although I care and understand what this friend is going through, because I've been there... I can not help them. Not really help them anyway. Because you can't truly help someone if they are not ready, willing or able to help themselves. At least not yet. I continue to pray that they will someday.
It's heartbreaking to see a friend or anyone, go through this. But what can, or should, a friend do in these situations? I'm now thinking long and hard about the choices I've made and wondering what path I should now choose.
When to Help and When to Walk Away
When and How to Leave Unhealthy Relationships
Love them or Leave them
Who is my Twin Flame?