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"The Greatest gift that you can give to others is the gift of unconditional love and acceptance!" ~Brian Tracy

All post and stories are the sole property of Velvet Over Steel aka Coreen Trost. I write and create post in order to help others, so share as you want. I just ask that you link back or give VOS credit. Some of the stories are going into a book in progress. Thank You ALL.. for your support and help!!
"If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader." ~ John Quincy Adams

Sunday, October 24, 2010

The Art of True Forgiveness By Phoenix Adoni

“To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness.” ~ Robert Muller

When I look back on my life, I realize how much time I’ve wasted, how many beautiful moments lost and forgotten. Nothing really touched, no one really seen – not even me.
I’ve come to realize that so much of my life was spent holding onto the past – to resentments, blame, guilt and anger. And it was this resentful past that I was holding onto – keeping it alive – that I was projecting onto others and creating a predictable future of more resentments, more anger, more suffering.

My awakening came from a deep loss that caused me to stop, and I was given the gift of seeing myself clearly – my past, my present, my future and the interconnection of it all. I stopped running, and finally saw how angry I was at the people of my past, for the perceived wrongs, the slings and arrows thrown deep within my heart – and more importantly, the anger, the blame, the soul-numbing guilt and unforgiveness I’ve held myself hostage with.

I soon discovered that true forgiveness is letting go of the past and begins with truly forgiving myself for the situations, the pain and suffering I caused for others, realizing that I was doing the best I could at the time, regardless of how unconscious I was. I am not the same person I was a year ago, let alone ten minutes ago – I, we – are all evolutions in the moment of making.

True forgiveness is about forgetting. I grew up hearing, “I’ll forgive, but I won’t forget.” This, to me, is not truly forgiving. By not forgetting, the past is still kept alive in the present and its accompanied resentment. It’s not really forgiven from the depths of my life, honestly looking at myself and seeing that at some point in my life, I have done or made the same choices that have hurt another.

This isn’t to say that I’ve become a doormat for people to hurt me again, treat me badly, or dump their laundry off at my doorstep. It’s a paradox but, as I learn to forgive and forget, I’m now taking better care of myself – setting healthy boundaries, speaking up for myself and finally embracing my own power – at home within.

I’ve asked myself, as I ask you, what exactly I’m getting out of not forgiving another? I discovered that it was a way to protect myself from feeling the fullness and richness of the hurt, the pain, and its subsequent growth.

But more importantly, it was a method of punishment, by withholding my love and casting them out of my life. But in the end, I realized that it was me I was withholding love from, and without love for myself, without forgiveness for myself and others, how could I expect to ever truly love another?

By not forgiving myself, my past and the people of it, I was miserable, becoming hardened, more angry and living in my head rather than my heart. I was slowly killing my spirit, depriving it of the love it needed to ensure its survival. I again had to ask myself, as I ask you, is this worth it? Is my happiness and peace worth the anger and blame and suffering? I said “No.” Maybe you will, too. It was my first step in healing my heart. Perhaps it will be yours as well.

Practicing forgiveness is a life-long process that never ends, but leads to the mastery of life and love. That’s not to say that we’re not human – I still struggle and have difficulties forgiving at times, but as I practice, my time in peace increases. I’m realizing that forgiving truly is an art, for when I truly forgive, my heart warmly opens, overflows with love, and as each one of us practices this gentle art, our love for ourselves grows, extends to all people, and paints the rich tapestries of each holy moment that we call our lives.  By Phoenix Adoni

“Sincere forgiveness isn't colored with expectations that the other person apologize or change. Don't worry whether or not they finally understand you. Love them and release them. Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time.” ~ Sara Paddison


  1. These are very powerful words and well stated!


  2. great is...the only disagreement from me is in getting hurt...forgiving does not mean you forget enough to let it happen again and again...

  3. Well written and can relate to much of what has been said.

    ps: my pc crashed overnight and lost much data so reinstated my following your post.


  4. Always thought provoking...something I think we all need to work on from time to this is a nice reminder of that. Have a wonderful Sunday Coreen.

  5. Another great post!

    It's always a misconception that - you maintain self preservation by not forgiving.

    In actuality, by not forgiving, you are losing yourself to anger and resentment, as the effect of holding on to a grudge.

    In reality, forgiveness is a profound act of self-preservation.

  6. I love your quote at the bottom. Yes, forgiveness is one of the very hardest things to do. But also when we don't really forgive, it is hurtful to us, because the built up resentment and other things just ruin our joy of life and can make us sick. While the other person usually goes on and knows nothing about it at all. We can live a much fuller and happier life if we will just let go. And you know this better than anyone. Praise God!!

  7. I have struggled for many years to forgive my x step mother. I have forgiven and most of the time forgotten. Great post!!

  8. Wow - lots of power in those words. Thanks :)

  9. Some really great thoughts here! I do agree with Brian here...which is something I need to work on myself...the whole doormat metaphor. Hope you're enjoying your weekend, Coreen!

  10. This made me realize how many times I've said, "I forgive but my memory is too sharp!" UNCOOL. I've been getting over this one too. Forgetting is so cool. And because I am cool(haha), I need to forgive AND forget!

  11. I was thinking about this very thing earlier today as I was washing dishes. I tend to hold onto pain and hold it against whoever hurt me.

  12. Yes love the forgiveness post. I have heard of letting go of the past, needed this about forgetting it! I always have regrets forever

  13. I agree that forgivness is a skill. IT takes a lot of effort to LEARN from an experience, to know how to handle it differently if it ever happens again (if only on the inside) and also to let go of all the pain and bitterness of it.

    From a cartoon, of all things (Avatar: The Last Airbender) there is a segment where one character wants to get revenge for something and says "I can't just do nothing!" A wiser character responds, "Forgiveness isn't doing nothing. Doing nothing is easy. Forgiveness requires great strength."

  14. Dr. Phil says something like...hate the person poison yourself. Which is so very true when we just think and let our heart 'fester' but to truly forgive yourself is a whole other color or horse. It's the most difficult 'forgivin' we'll ever do.

    This post was just magic to my heart sweetie!!! :o)

    God bless ya and have the most incredible day!

  15. I believe I was directed to read your blog today, as I made the choice just today to "let go" Nice to know I'm not alone in this journey thanks!


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