Just Listen...

Just don't think or judge

Listen

Rachel Naomi Remen: “The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention.... A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well-intentioned words.”

Letting go of our Safety Nets

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“Not Listening = Safety Net = Staying Stuck 

Listening = Owning Up to Your Own Stuff 

= Letting Go = Happiness”

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"When you're young, your whole life is about the pursuit of fun.  Then, you grow up and learn to be cautious.  You could break a bone or a heart.  You look before you leap and sometimes you don't leap at all because there's not always someone there to catch you.  And in life, there's no 'safety net'.  When did life stop being fun and start being scary?" ~unknown

I spent a great deal of my life, playing it safe.  Living each day being cautious, planing ahead my every step if I could.  I thought that if I didn't, I'd end up on a tight rope 200 feet above the dark hole of the unknown, with no one and nothing the catch me if I fell.  It's a scary place to be when you're all you have to take care of yourself and your children.  

I now see why I stayed in situations, relationships and jobs, FAR longer than I should have.  When I was married, at least I knew I could be there for my children and provide for them financially.  The same was true with some jobs over the years. 

Even though I didn't always feel safe or wasn't personally happy at periods in my life, I at least knew what to expect most days.  I was afraid to change those situations, because I had no idea what to expect in regards to actions and reactions by others... if I were to leave or move on.  

So I stayed in my 'safety net' of familiar surrounds that even if unpleasant, were at least 'predictable'.  When I've been in both toxic relationships or stressful jobs, walking on egg shells became a part of my daily routine, in order to keep the peace or minimize the drama around me.  A survival skill learned and lived for too many of us.

There comes a time in most of our lives where something is no longer working or being us happiness.  Yet so many of us stay where we do, in 'safety nets', because it's a routine we are used to.  Hanging onto 'safety nets' keeps us stuck in those situations and keep us from making needed changes. 

Listening to our hearts and being honest with ourselves, allows us to let go of the things in our lives that are no longer working or best for us.  Listening allows us to see things the way they truly are, which allows us to own up to our own 'stuff', which includes the roles we play in the situations we're in.  Admitting truths to ourselves and accepting responsibility for our own actions and non-actions, will move us forward... in a positive, healthy direction and a fulfilled, happy life! 

As the old saying goes "Change is only as painful as the resistance", which means it's all about the 'fear' around the 'change' more than the change itself.  So instead of pre-thinking all the changes, it's best to live in the moment.  Going through each day seeing what it's like, flowing with it and having faith.  Staying in the moment is not usually fearful.  It's only the fear that makes it difficult.

Now a days I'm much more spontaneous, even 'going with the flow' in my daily life viewing each day as an adventure.  I actually enjoy the changes, seeing the life lessons and focusing on positive outcomes. When we let go of our 'safety nets' and allow a change to happen, there’s always a lesson for our souls growth.  Trust in that!

“A little shake up on Earth is not going to disturb you. Stay in who you are. The mind, the thinking mind is often confused. When you don’t understand or can’t figure it out, let go. By letting go you will create the only safety net you'll ever need... the one inside of you. The thinking mind creates scenarios (good/bad, right/wrong, high/low).  So be true to your heart because the only real safety net is in your heart.” ~unknown 

Love them or Leave them
Who is my Twin Flame?

When Someone Listens

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"A friend is someone who listens when you speak, understands when you cry and guides you on your way." ~Thomas Eappen

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When someone deeply listens to you
it is like holding out a dented cup
you've had since childhood
and watching it fill up with
cold, fresh water.
When it balances on top of the brim,
you are understood.
When it overflows and touches your skin,
you are loved.

When someone deeply listens to you
the room where you stay
starts a new life
and the place where you wrote
your first poem
begins to glow in your mind's eye.
It is as if gold has been discovered!

When someone deeply listens to you
your barefeet are on the earth
and a beloved land that seemed distant
is now at home within you.

— John Fox

Heart to Heart talks...

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Heart to Heart talks are so important!  Yet in this day and age of busy schedules and technology, it seems that it's becoming almost rare.  I personally miss the days when people picked up the phone and actually talked for hours.  Communication allows us to get to know each other better.  Sharing experiences, thoughts and feelings... insights into our worlds, creates understanding and deep connections.   No technology can replace the feelings we each get from real voice or face to face conversations.

Now a days, it's too easy to quickly send an email or text, not giving the other person much more than words and facts.  We forget sometimes how much the tone of a voice or facial expressions convey the feelings, 'heart' and soul of the person speaking those words and telling the details or facts.

I had not talked to my sons recently except for emails and text messages because they have been so busy.  However this week I was able to actually talk to each of them at length on the phone and and we all got the 'feelings' and 'heart' behind the messages.  It was wonderful and even gave us all a sense of relief and understanding.  I miss having them closer and the ability to have these conversations face to face and 'heart to heart'.

There are others on my mind and in my 'heart' that I also miss and need to talk to also.  So I need to find the time and arrange the opportunities for more of those 'heart to heart' talks with them as well soon.  Either in person or on the phone, whatever works out.  It's so important, especially when we remember how short and unpredictable life can be.

I hope we all reach out and connect with someone on our hearts and minds today!

"Deep heart listening and speaking your truth generates an exhilarating "heart talk" frequency. "Heart talk" is care in action and builds friendship. As you learn to see everyone as your friend, and not as an enemy, you release judgments. Just keep your heart open to them as you speak your truth." ~Sara Paddison, Hidden Power of the Heart

Honest Communication from the Heart

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 "People have important things to communicate. Speaking from your heart allows the emotionally difficult, the ordinary, and the wonderful things in our lives to be communicated and received." ~ David McArthur and Bruce McArthur, from the book "The Intelligent Heart"

In the book and presentation '8 to Great', motivational speaker for positive change MK Mueller writes this to describe High-Way 5: Honest Communication.

"Once we get in touch with our emotions through High-Way 4, we’re ready to practice communicating them honestly with others in a self-responsible way. The practice of non-defensive listening and assertively asking for what we want will empower us and deepen our connection to those around us. When we risk taking responsibility rather than blaming others for them, we combine the first four High-Ways into an “inner-state” of loving joy." ~ MK Mueller

"The genius of communication is the ability to be both totally honest and totally kind at the same time." ~ John Powell

Sara Paddison, author of the book "The Hidden Power of the Heart" writes:

"Being vulnerable doesn't have to be threatening. Just have the courage to be sincere, open and honest. This opens the door to deeper communication all around. It creates self-empowerment and the kind of connections with others we all want in life. Speaking from the heart frees us from the secrets that burden us. These secrets are what make us sick or fearful. Speaking truth helps you get clarity on your real heart directives."

"We take communication for granted because we do it so frequently, but it's actually a complex process." ~ Joseph Sommerville, PhD

Doc Childre, Bruce Cryer and Howard Martin from HeartMath LLC and authors of "The HeartMath Solution" write:

"In communications that are difficult or draining, ease into the heart and find something to appreciate about the person you're dealing with, or find a feeling of compassion or kindness. This will clear your mind and give you the coherence you need to know what to say next. That's energy efficiency at work."

"Be on the lookout for strain in each other, and with compassion and understanding, lend a helping hand and a mature heart. Helping each other manage emotional strain can yield creative alternatives and build a new foundation for heart-based communication and hope." ~ Doc Childre

In the book "From Chaos to Coherence" ~ by Bruce Cryer and Doc Childre; Coherent communication is based on four key principles:

1. Achieve understanding first
2. Listen nonjudgmentally
3. Listen for the essence
4. Be authentic

"Communication sometimes is not what you first hear, listen not just to the words, but listen for the reason." ~ Catherine Pulsifer

"It is no longer enough to be smart — all the technological tools in the world add meaning and value only if they enhance our core values, the deepest part of our heart. Acquiring knowledge is no guarantee of practical, useful application. Wisdom implies a mature integration of appropriate knowledge, a seasoned ability to filter the inessential from the essential." ~ Doc Childre and Bruce Cryer, From Chaos to Coherence

"Intuition does not always appear as the ingenious breakthrough or something grandiose. Intuitive thoughts, feelings, and solutions often manifest themselves as good old common sense. Common sense is efficient." ~ Doc Childre and Bruce Cryer, From Chaos to Coherence

"Words are just words and without heart they have no meaning." ~ Chinese proverb

All of these are important to consider and think about next time you have a serious or heartfelt conversation with someone.  Whether it be a personal communication with a family member or friend.  Or a business related conversation with a boss or co-worker.  

I personally strive to use all 4 of the Key principles in my communications; both in person and in my writing.  It truly makes a difference if you communicate only with your head or if you communicate through your Heart! 

When you're looking for honest communication, think about where your conversation is coming from.  If your words are coming from your heart, the person you're talking to just may start communicating from their heart back.  What's more honest  and authentic... than two hearts communicating?