Facing our fears to move Forward

"Sometimes you can't move forward until you come face to face with the fears that have been holding you back."~Me

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My greatest weakness in life has been the ability to stand up for myself.  It's been pointed out to me time and again that it's because no one ever stood up for me as a child.  That is when children are suppose to learn that vital skill by watching adults stand up, even fight for them.  That would explain why it's always been difficult for me and why I would rather be the peacemaker than the fighter.

After feeling suppressed and even trapped at times, I needed to leave my comfort zone in order to get to a better place both physically and emotionally.  Being pushed to overcome fears in order to stand up for myself and move forward.  Fears of consequences, making the wrong decisions, steep learning curves and even security.

I can clearly see now where facing each of those fears has been the best for me every step, every time.  
I shut the door on people and environments that were not good for me; opened up opportunities; gained more job skills; and stood up for myself more times than any other period in my life.

In every situation where I face a fear and put myself in a new situation or environment, I meet amazing people that inspire me to find my voice more and more while fighting for what I believe in.  I've formed new relationships with people that have the same values, morals or beliefs that I do.  Those with the integrity and character that I strive for and want to associate with.

There have been no regrets when looking back this past year.  I believe I needed each experience, situation, person and lesson to be where I am right now.  Every fear I face leads me to opportunities to use my voice to fight for what I believe in.  Facing our fears does move us forward!

"It takes more courage to reveal insecurities than to hid them; more strength to relate to people than to dominate them; more integrity to have thought-out principles rather than blind reflex; more character to do what's right than to follow the crowd."

Random Thoughts... for 2012

"Our life always expresses the results of our prominent thoughts." ~Soren Kierkegaa

This past year has flown by faster than any I can remember.  As a new year it about to begin, I have hundreds of thoughts and memories running through my mind each time I sit to write in my journal or work on my book.  Since I've been too busy to blog much in the past year, I thought I'd add a few of them now.  

• 2012 started Happy, had highs & lows & ended Great.
• The trials in between had much needed lessons.
• Everyone has experienced trauma in their life.
• We should all have more empathy and compassion.
• Traumas can transform if allowed to push us forward.
• I have shared experiences with my best of friends.
• We must leave our comfort zones in order to grow.
• That was needed for my new career and direction.
• We often stay in jobs and situations out of Fear.
• Have Faith! You don't know, what you don't know.
• Sleep deprivation is everyone's worst enemy. 
• Negative environments are not worth the damage.  
• Unhappy people find fault with each other.
• Hurting people, hurt others.  Don't let them hurt you.
• Showing kindness, can stop the negative verbiage
• Standing up for yourself shows self-respect.
• Immature people push blame and want revenge.
• Mature people try to understand why things happen.
• Respect, the words used and tone of voice do matter.
• It takes 10 positives to make up for 1 negative.
• Nikki Haley is my example of strength and leadership.
• She has character and someone I'd like to emulate.
• Being strong annoys the people who want control.
• We're suppose to put our children First!
• No amount of critisisum over the years helped us.
• Volunteering and getting involved is so rewarding.
• I meet the most amazing people when I volunteer.
• We all need our own friends, interest... Lives.
• No one should depend on you for their happiness.
• Anymore than you should depend on someone else.
• When you're direct and honest; don't ever feel guilty.
• It's more important what someone does than says.
• I'm not emotional any longer because I'm not afraid.
• I'm not afraid of dying or the future; I have Faith.
• When I see death, I pray for the souls and families.
• Kindness and Compassion are a Hugh part of my job.  
• The last job prepared me for my current career/job.
• Having the passion for it, makes me really good at it.
• So much accomplished... so much more I want to do!

"I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see." ~John Burroughs

 What we overcome... helps us Grow

Truly having No Fear

"Fear is the main source of superstition, and one of the main sources of cruelty.  To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom."~Bertrand Russell

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In my earlier years, I had a hard time dealing with death... hitting me hard when someone close to me died, starting with my Grandmother when I was 10; friends and relatives throughout my life and then more recently, when my dad died.  I thought and felt that I and the world, had lost them forever.

"People living deeply have no hear of death."~Anais Nin

I now know and can accept that the world we know, right now, may have lost them.  However, their souls or spirits, truly are in heaven, the university... and they are healthy, happy and whole.  They are even close to us whenever we think of them.  If you believe and understand, you can even feel them sending us guidance and love.

"I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today."~William Allen White

For many years, I was terrified of dying.  Now that I'm not... I see the world and my circumstances very differently.  This is all temporary, a journey full of spiritual insight and lessons that God and the Universe want us each to learn.  When we learn what we are meant to, the best if yet to come.

"Fears are educated into us, and can, if we wish, be educated out."~Karl Augustus Menninger 

Liberate from our Fear

"When you're in fear, you can't grow,you can't expand, you can't relax, you can't create...  It's quite paralyzing.  Living in fear is essentially toxic to our mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being and growth."~Katie Freiling

The more I watch the people around me and their relationships, the more I notice that most peoples' actions and reactions, are 'triggered' by the same emotion each time...FEAR.  

"Fear is only as deep as the mind allows."~Japanese Proverb

Fear of losing something or someone; Fear of financial struggles; Fear of being alone; Fear of not having Control of a situation or relationship.... and FEAR Fuels More FEAR...over and over again.

"Nothing in life is to be feared.  It is only to be understood."~Marie Curie 

So many times in all our lives, we react or make chooses.... out of FEAR of something happening or not happening.  Not out of stupidity or ignorance... but usually rash or poor decision are the result of FEAR.

"As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."~Nelson Mandela

In my own life, I now see why I made the poor decisions I have.  Granted, I've been naive, too trusting, and even told 'too nice' many times by my friends... however my worst decisions or reactions have by far been made out of FEAR of something.   

“And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”~Marianne Williamson

Even recently I realize that the stress I've experienced in the last 10 months; have been fueled by Fear.  That the jobs I turned down... were from Fear of the unknown.  Not having All the answers or knowing Exactly what to expect from those jobs, cause be to focus on the uncertainties instead of the Possibilities.

"Fears are educated into us, and can, if we wish, be educated out."~Karl Augustus Menninger

In recent years, I've stayed in jobs that caused overwhelming stress or were I was unfulfilled... much longer than I wanted to.  I stayed out of Fear of 'what ifs' and the unknown at another position somewhere else.  Until... I made a conscious decision stopped letting Fear control my decisions or chooses in my own life.  I may slip at times and I may not have all the answers; however I do know that letting Fear be a deciding factor... is not the way to live a happy and fulfilling life.   Which is what I'm sure is what we all want... now is't it?!  ;-)

I must not fear.

Fear is the mind-filler.

Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fears.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past,
I will turn the inner eye to see it's path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.
~Frank Herbert

7 Keys from Liberating yourself from Fear

Come from a place of Love

"Come from a place of Love, not anger or frustration."~Me

lightworkersworld.com

I've struggled so many times in my life to find balance with keeping the power and control over my own life; while also coming from a heart of understanding, compassion and even love.  It's not always easy.

I try hard to stay away from negative and gossipy people who think they know everything about everyone.  However sometimes I admit I get sucked in to it when I have my guard down; I'm lonely, tired or just having a bad day.  Causing me to have doubts about people I care about; second guessing my own intuition and heart.

I realize now that when I allow others opinions to influence how I feel, that I'm reacting out of Fear.  Fear of making another mistake; fear of being hurt and even fear of gossip.  None of those things should control or even be a factor in what I decide or do.  I fail greatly when I let it.

"We should never react out of fear.  We should always respond out of Love."~ME

Most of the time when I feel anger, it's really from the Fear of one of those possibilities.  When I find fault and react out of Fear; that distorted sense of control never last.  It only causes me to have regret and guilt later on.  All because I allowed outside chatter and negativity get to me.

There are times when I've shut the door on friends because of the drama going on in their lives.  I believed when I was told I should be scared or even angry.  Those 'words of advice' are always coming from negative chatter; not from a heart of compassion, understanding or Love.

When we come from a place of Love, we have Understanding and Compassion.  I moved twice to give my son... understanding and compassion from teachers and staff that truly cared.   It made all the difference in his life.  That's why I'm always looking for people like that in my own life.

How does the saying go.... "Be the person you wish to find."   I agree... and in regards to all our relationships.   I'm trying hard not to be influenced by 'fear'... so I can follow my heart... reaching out to friends and anyone I 'feel' needs me to; without hesitation or fear.

Fear is the only thing that has ever held me back from coming from a place of Love.  I pray that there are special people in my life that know and understand that now.

"Negativity comes from Fear.  Love stops negativity in it's tracks."~Me

It's never too late for our Dreams to come True

"Fear is the Only thing that keeps us from what we really want.  Let go of Fear and follow your Heart, then your Dreams will come true. It's never too late!" ~Me

cruisemiss.wordpress.com

"Life is too short and far too precious to waste on fears, insecurities, ego and worry.  Life is meant to be filled with Love, Happiness, Peacefulness.  Today, give yourself permission to Ask for that which you desire, to Believe that you deserve your dreams to come true, take whatever Action is needed to fulfill your dreams, Receive your Hearts desire." ~D. Biagioni

Courage to Follow your Dreams

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"Courage is rightly esteemed the first of human qualities... because it is the quality which guarantees all others." ~Winston Churchill

successsystemsnow.com

Courage (also known as bravery) is the ability to confront fear, pain, danger, uncertainty, or intimidation. "Physical courage" is courage in the face of physical pain, hardship, death, or threat of death, while "moral courage" is the ability to act rightly in the face of popular opposition, shame, scandal, or discouragement.

I feel that Courage is the quality of both our mind and spirit that enables us to face those difficult, dangerous, painful times in our lives, in spite of fear... not neccesarily without it.  I also believe that to have the courage of one's convictions, to act in accordance with one's beliefs, especially in spite of criticism... is the greatest character quality of all. 

"It is curious--curious that physical courage should be so common in the world, and moral courage so rare." ~Mark Twain

 Reaching Your Dream Takes Courage

Courage is admitting that you're afraid and facing that fear directly. It's being strong enough to ask for help and humble enough to accept it.

Courage is standing up for what you believe in without worrying about the opinions of others. It's following your own heart, living your own life, and settling for nothing less than the best for yourself.

Courage is daring to take a first step, a big leap, or a different path. It's attempting to do something that no one has done before and all others thought impossible.

Courage is keeping heart in the face of disappointment and looking at defeat not as an end but as a new beginning. It's believing that things will ultimately get better even as they get worse.

Courage is being responsible for your own actions and admitting your own mistakes without placing blame on others. It's relying not on others for your success, but on your own skills and efforts.

Courage is refusing to quit even when you're intimidated by impossibility. It's choosing a goal, sticking with it, and finding solutions to the problems.

Courage is thinking big, aiming high, and shooting far.

It's taking a dream and doing anything, risking everything, and stopping at nothing to make it a reality.

~ Caroline Kent ~

"All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them." ~Walt Disney 

 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

Being Truthful with Yourself...

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"If you can't be truthful with yourself, how can you be honest with anyone else." ~Yvonne Lewis

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"I believe that truthfulness with ourselves and unconditional love of others leads to happiness." ~Me

Not being truthful with yourself keeps you from allowing yourself to be happy; which keeps you inside your your own walls or prison.  Following your heart is a spiritual connection.  Not following your heart, or allowing yourself to trust your own intuition, causes the death of ones own spirit.  I know, I almost let my own spirit die once. 

Back then I wasn't honest with myself and I didn't trust the people I needed to break free from.  All I could think about was what they 'might' do.   I was afraid my children would be turned against me, or that I wouldn't be able to take care of them on my own.  Fear ruled every day of my life for many, many years.   

My mind was very clouded from all the stress in my home and life.  I didn't live with unconditional love.. the type of love that we all deserve and that which brings peace and true happiness. 

Deep down I should have known I didn't have to stay in that situation; that I wouldn't really lose my children and that I could take care of myself.   But I couldn't think clearly when I was walking on eggshells all the time, just trying to get through each day in peace or at least without a major conflict.   

Instead of being truthful with myself, I made excuses, hide what my home life was really like from most people, and how I really felt.  I was embarrassed, confussed and I didn't trust anyone because of all the threats and irrational behavior of others.  I was so effected by the manipulation, threats and fear of not knowing what they would do... that I seldom ever listened to my intuition, let alone followed my heart.   I know now that I should have and why.

Our intuition is God's guidance in our lives.  He wants us to be Happy and have fulfilling lives; so he guides, even talks to us, through our intuition.  Our intuition is directly connected to our hearts as well.   In fact, following your Heart is the most powerful 'Spiritual Connection' of all.   

Unfortunately many people who are unhappy...

• are not truthful with themselves
• don't allow themselves to be happy
• don't listen to or trust their intuition
• are too afraid or don't trust themselves enough
• and especially don't realize that following our heart is a Spiritual Connection

This is when people need to 'let go of what they think they know' and realize that the negative and fearful thoughts are not going to happen.  That we won't loss everything that matters to us, nor do we need to live in fear of others or of the unknown.  We just need to trust ourselves, admit to how we really feel, and listen to the Spiritual Connections that God has given each of us, our intuition and hearts, so he can guide us to the happiness he wants for us.  

"Following your Heart is a Spiritual Connection."

Facing Our Fears

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“Each time we face our fears, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing.” ~www.thinkexist.com

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"Acknowledging and overcoming fear are important to personal growth. Fear is one of the basic emotions. Some say that fear and love, its opposite, are the only real emotions. Fear is a contracting emotion. When we feel it we draw into ourselves. If we give in to it or allow it to take over we limit our range of possibilities, we become less than we really are. It is one of the barriers to personal growth." ~www.personal-growth-poetry.com

So many times in my life I have allowed 'fear' to keep me in situations that were not good for me.  Fear of retaliation; Fear of being alone; Fear of what others' think; Fears for my children; and the most popular fear most of us have... the 'Fear of Change'.

Each and every time though, once I faced a fear and got the strength to take the first step in what was usually a major change in my life, I gained confidence and became stronger and stronger with each of the next steps.   Finally realizing the 'process' has helped me to 'take action' sooner, rather than later in the last few years. 

"Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood."~ Marie Curie

Fear of changes and the unknown are the primary characteristics of Asperger Syndrome.  In fact, those fears can and usually control the lives of someone with Aspergers.

Using what I learned, has allowed me to help my son overcome and deal with his fears, and the anxiety that goes with as well.  Most people don't even know he has A.S. anymore, because he has faced his fears and learned to deal with them also. 

What a 'major change' in both our lives!   

"The fears you don’t face control you. The fears you face, you move beyond." ~Dr. Wayne Dyer



Half Full Friday & Aloha Friday question of the week!

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"There are three things that a child can teach an adult:  To be happy for no reason; to be always busy doing something;  And to know how to demand - with all one's might - what one wants." - Paulo Coelho

Half Full Friday is a series of weekly posts that Eye Girl originally started in June 2009.  Now the it is hosted by Sprinkles at Wyldechylde.  We believe that a lot of our happiness is determined by our attitude about the things that happen to us. So by participating, we are deciding to see the glass as half full, instead of half empty. We are choosing to concentrate on the positives, instead of dwelling on the negatives. Our Half Full Friday posts are a way to do just that. They are a list of the things in our life that have brought us happiness over the past week. We are determined to find the something good in every day. Are you?

Laughter, joy and happiness is healthy for you. They say laughter is the best medicine. It can cure illness and extends life. A good laugh boosts the immune system, relieves depression and stress, relaxes all the body's muscles, is good exercise for the heart and helps prevent heart attacks, it cleanses the lungs, and provides an overall sense of well being.

We don't need to wait for someone else to bring us happiness - happiness is a choice we can make at any time we want. You can choose to look on the good side of things and take life more lightly, or you can choose to think gloomy and sad. It's up to you. Life is the movie you see through your own eyes - it's up to you how you take it.

Let there be

more joy and laughter

in your living.

~ Eileen Caddy ~

For the next week, we challenge you to keep a list of at least one thing that brought you happiness each day.  This is what I'm Happy for this week:

• I'm happy for being alive!  Yes, alive.  I had a total of 5 (small, yet scary just the same) gas leaks on my New furnace last weekend... with 2 of my sons home sleeping.  So glad I came back home after running local errands (instead of driving to the 'city' for groceries) Saturday morning.  This was the 3rd time since my furnace was put in.  Thank goodness I am extremely sensitive to smells. 

• I'm happy that my son had a good first week back at college!

• I'm happy the baby shower we gave a co-worker went very well!  She's having a boy.  Very excited & Happy for her.

• I'm happy for the positive energy I have and used to get a great deal done in the last week!

• I'm happy I'm close to having my entire basement cleaned out!  Goodwill 'loves' me! lol

• I'm happy my oldest son is coming home again this week to spend time with his brother!

•  I also want to say Thank you to Jules, for the frying pan picture!!  Loved it!! :-)                        

"People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've gotten lost." ~H. Jackson Browne

It's also "ALOHA FRIDAY" Everyone!!  If you want to join in the fun? Post your own question on your blog and leave your link at the Aloha Friday post at An Island Life. Then you can visit the other participants if you wish...It’s a great way to make new bloggy friends or see what people are thinking about this week and join in a conversation or two if you like.

"You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance." ~Franklin P. Jones  

My question:  What is something a child/children have taught you?

My answer:   Most Adults are filled with fear of the unknown in each day... instead of anticipation and excitement that children have.  We are not born with 'fear'.  We are born Happy and wanting to try new things without fear holding us back!  You can see that with Children.  They don't have fear... they are Happy until they are filled with fear.  By the time we are Adults, we have... sadly, turned that all around.

"You are worried about seeing him spend his early years in doing nothing. What?! Is it nothing to be happy? Nothing to skip, play, and run around all day long? Never in his life will he be so busy again." ~Jean-Jacques Rousseau, Emile, 1762

Love & Hugs!
~ Coreen

The Illusion of Fear... by Phoenix Adoni

“Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here.” ~ Anonymous



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 The universe is comprised of only two energies – two choices that we as individuals make and can experience: Love or Fear. Every moment of every second of every day, we are constantly choosing one or the other. It is by the light of our own consciousness that we can become aware of when we are on auto-pilot and can then actively, consciously choose love over fear.

Fear is a manifestation of our ego, and the ego is concerned with only one thing: keeping us miserable, which ensures its survival. It is the ego where our past remains very much alive, and to ensure that it keeps us trapped, it projects our fearful and painful memories into the future to try to predict the outcome. It rationalizes that even if the future is miserable, at least I can be certain of what’s to come. The end result is that we loose the present moment – the only moment we have – where only Love resides.

When we become aware that our fear is generated by ego, and how and when it is manifested, we are much more in power to choose not to follow its dark and well-trodden path. Fear’s usual manifestation comes in the form of guilt, judgement, blame, anger, internal conversations or arguments with ourselves or others, and the refusal to forgive. These manifestations are first directed at ourselves, creating unnecessary suffering, which we project from our own minds onto people, places, and situations, all in an attempt to avoid looking at ourselves truly and deeply.

In my own life, I’m realizing how much time I have wasted, how much suffering I have created and how much happiness I have denied myself. As I begin to see my mind drift into fearful fantasy and imaginings of the future, I realize that it is all coming from a past experience I’ve had, and how by this form of visualization, I am re-creating the same for my future.

Once I become aware of my ego’s attempt to cloud the sunlight of my being and lead me away from the reality of Love, I return to my breath, to the present moment, and I realize that I have the power to choose my own thoughts – thoughts of Love, or the ego’s illusion of fear. And when I choose love, kindness, forgiveness, I am quickly reminded that fear does not exist, except in my past, which cannot touch me. I realize that the only reality in each unfolding moment is only Love.

Every moment you see yourself wandering that well-trodden path, breathe gently into your heart, allowing it to spread its warm embrace throughout your body, and realize that you are a brilliant manifestation of Source, which is nothing but pure, gentle and all-embracing Love for self, others, and all of humanity.

~  Phoenix Adoni

"There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved." - George Sand

Taking RISK: If you had no Fear?

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"What you are afraid to do is a clear indicator of the next thing you need to do." – Anonymous

In '8 to Great', motivational speaker for positive change MK Mueller write this to describe Highway 2: RISK

Once your dream starts to take shape, your next step will be to take a risk to follow it. Cowards have the same amount of fear as heroes, but while cowards use their fear as an excuse to stay stuck, heroes feel the fear and do it anyway. Whether it’s the risk of telling the truth or pursuing a dream, the bigger the risk, the bigger the reward. Risking is letting go of security as the world defines it for a larger safety net—being true to yourself. Risk is never running from (our fears)—it’s always running to (our dreams), so ask yourself, “If I had no fear, what would I do?” ~ MK Mueller

The first time I attended this training, I took a Big Risk to overcame my fear of public speaking.  I did and continue to take new Risk each and every day. If I had no fear and took another Hugh Risk; I would start my own business for sure and maybe even move to Chicago! 

How about you?  If you had no fear, what would you do?
 

Control vs. Trust - Define your Relationship

In my past, I was married to someone who was very controlling and manipulative.  I tried to understand them, help them, even tried to change them.  But it was a losing battle for many reasons. 

We both had many issues from our childhood's that effected our adult relationships.   I was the weaker one, with low self-esteem.  He was the stronger one with lots of 'trust' issues.  Or lack of trust, so he tried to make up for that with the same abusive tactics that he was raised with.  He demanded his version of respect with manipulation, fear and even force. 

He used the fear that I couldn't take care of my children financially, without him.  He made horrible threats that I don't even want to put into writing at this time.  Too horrendous to even imagine if you weren't there and lived through it.  Which I am grateful and even amazed that I did.  Looking back, it had to be my faith in God and the love for my children that got me through those years. 

Trust has been a Hugh issue for me, from many past relationships all the way back to my childhood.  I was way too trusting and naive most of my life.  Always focusing on the good and ignoring the bad, until it almost took my soul and nearly my life.  It has taken me 5 years to trust my own heart and intuition again.  A long road to a better me and well worth the travel to get here.  I can now see all the needed steps to the life lessons and personal growth I've experienced. 

Now that I'm at this point in my growth, about 2/3 to where I am going to be in the end, I can see and even feel what other people are going through.  At least people I care about and feel connected to for one reason or another.  I worry about them and want to help them.  Even if it's just by understanding what they are going through or being here for them if and when they need a friend, an ear, a hug or all three. 

I would not have made it through all the trials in my life without friends I could trust in my life.  No way!  They were amazing and genuinely cared about me.  They didn't judge, lecture or want anything in return.  They just wanted to help because that is how true friendship should be.  This is the type of friend we should all strive to be.

Below is an article I came across during a search on the subject of controlling relationships and trust.  I thought it was worth sharing.  Some may not 'believe' in the website, I am open minded and believe in the quality of the articles I read here.  To each their own and I would never tell someone else not to believe in something that they feel has helped or guided their own journey and believe in. :-)   If this post and the article can help even one person this weekend; then it was worth the time to write it.  Love and Hope to All of my friends!  ~ Coreen 

Control vs. Trust - Define your love              

Another Great Article is:  Building Trust in Relationships - Relationship Problems on Control

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Weekly Motivation - Stretch your Comfort Zone

This a weekly motivation is borrowed from a friend.  Thanks Mark!

Eleanor Roosevelt said,

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do."

How do you handle fear? How do you handle fear of change? Do you embrace it? Are experiences that stretch you out of your comfort zone a regular part of your daily life? Or have you retreated so far into your comfort zone that you don't ever even feel fear? How must you change to develop a spirit of courage in your life?

This week...go out and do something "stretching" simply for the sake of growing your courage. It will even make you feel more "alive".

Go For It!  Have a GREAT week!

I was the shy girl in school who couldn't give a speech without shaking with fear and ending in tears if someone laughed. I have decided to learn to 'present' in order to come out of my shell once and for all. I've registered for 2 different presentation certification workshops this summer. Taking vacation from my day job and using my own money to do this for ME. This is just one of the steps I am taking to follow my dreams; like I have allowed my sons to follow theirs. Wish me luck! :-) ~ Coreen