Facing our fears to move Forward

"Sometimes you can't move forward until you come face to face with the fears that have been holding you back."~Me

coryreese.blogspot.com

My greatest weakness in life has been the ability to stand up for myself.  It's been pointed out to me time and again that it's because no one ever stood up for me as a child.  That is when children are suppose to learn that vital skill by watching adults stand up, even fight for them.  That would explain why it's always been difficult for me and why I would rather be the peacemaker than the fighter.

After feeling suppressed and even trapped at times, I needed to leave my comfort zone in order to get to a better place both physically and emotionally.  Being pushed to overcome fears in order to stand up for myself and move forward.  Fears of consequences, making the wrong decisions, steep learning curves and even security.

I can clearly see now where facing each of those fears has been the best for me every step, every time.  
I shut the door on people and environments that were not good for me; opened up opportunities; gained more job skills; and stood up for myself more times than any other period in my life.

In every situation where I face a fear and put myself in a new situation or environment, I meet amazing people that inspire me to find my voice more and more while fighting for what I believe in.  I've formed new relationships with people that have the same values, morals or beliefs that I do.  Those with the integrity and character that I strive for and want to associate with.

There have been no regrets when looking back this past year.  I believe I needed each experience, situation, person and lesson to be where I am right now.  Every fear I face leads me to opportunities to use my voice to fight for what I believe in.  Facing our fears does move us forward!

"It takes more courage to reveal insecurities than to hid them; more strength to relate to people than to dominate them; more integrity to have thought-out principles rather than blind reflex; more character to do what's right than to follow the crowd."

Find Strength from Every Lesson

"Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do.  But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength." ~Unknown

"Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness.  Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing.  Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength."~August Wilson

Accept all that is given to you with an open mind.  Every event is a gift, whether it warmed your heart or brought you disappointment.  Everything is a blessing for reasons we can't always see or know in the moment.  Learn from yesterday, live for today, plant seeds for tomorrow using your inner strength to live a life worth living.

"I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence but it comes from within."~Anonymous

The philosophy of life is to make the most of it.  So enjoy the happy moments for sure, but see the lessons in the challenges thrown at you too.  Everything can happen for a reason if you view life with an open mind and heart; to see the lessons that give you the wisdom and strength to follow the paths that God leads you on all throughout your life.  

"Few men during their lifetime come anywhere near exhausting the resources dwelling within them.  There are deep wells of strength that are never used."~Richard E. Byrd

Through the stressful times

"A lot of emotional stress that people go through, some people figure out a way to handle it. They have a strong enough support system to keep going and keep moving forward. And some people, they feel like they don't have that outlet."~Terrell Owens

masculineheart.blogspot.com

Although I gave that type of support to my sons; I seldom felt I had it myself.  Throughout my entire life, I longed for that uplifting encouragement and protective strength of another during difficult times.  Yet I have always made it through every experience without anyone else, becoming stronger and wiser than anyone could have imagined.  I'm always determined to keep moving forward no matter what.

"Opportunities to find deeper powers within ourselves come when life seems most challenging."~Joseph Campbell

Sometimes though, late at night and when I'm alone with my thoughts, I wonder what it would be like to have a support system.  For now I'll keep creating my own emotional support system, knowing that all the experiences are 'stressing' me into a better person, more determined to succeed while becoming stronger inside... each and every time.

10 Ways to Get and Give Emotional Support
How to Build a Strong Support System
Benefits of a Strong Support System
Establishing a Support System
Create a Strong Support System in Tough Times

Lessons from the Universe

"God does not play dice with the Universe." ~Albert Einstein 

fitnessgetzeasy.com

If you understand the extraordinary gifts every single challenge in your life makes possible, even inevitable, you'd celebrate your challenges, new and old alike, as the omens or signs that they are of new beginnings, spectacular change, and enhanced insight that gives us strength and knowledge.   Both help us grow into the person we are meant to be; bringing us the lives we deserve with immeasurable love and happiness.

Letting Go...

"You don't always need strength to let go of something.  Many times what you really need is understanding." ~Me

www.healing.about.com

Many times we feel that letting go... is giving up.  Starting at birth, we grasp on to anything we can get our hands on, and hold on as if we will cease to exist if and when we let go.  

"There's an important difference between giving up and letting go." ~Jessica Hatchigan

Letting go doesn't mean giving up... it means moving on.  It is one of the hardest things a person can do.  But as we grow older we are forced to change our way of thinking.  We are forced to realize that letting go means accepting things that we have no control over.  It means maturing and moving on, now matter how hard you have to fight yourself to do so.

We need to let go of the need to tell others what we think or feel they should do.  In essence that's a way of trying to control others, even if our intentions our pour and our heart has good intentions.

We need to allow others to make their own way.   Experiencing all the phases needed in their lives to learn, grow and let go in their own way and in their own timing.

Pushing someone to let go before they are ready, allows emotions such as anger to linger and causes us to doubt ourselves and even have regret later on.  Going through the process of letting go brings understanding... and ultimately peace with our decisions.

When we let go of the past with love, as oppose to anger; it clears our spirit of ties to the past and makes way for new love to enter our lives.

"Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing.  There is time for silence.  A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny.   And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it's all over." ~Gloria Naylor

Letting Go Affirmations

Do you need something?

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"When you need something, all the universe conspires in helping you... just ask." ~Unknown

pixdaus.com

To the person who visits my blog a lot:  Can you please let me know if you need anything?

I feel you are looking for strength and hope when you read my post.  However, you've visited so often and for such a long time without reaching out; that I believe you're in a bad place or situation.  Please know that I won't judge and that you can trust me if you contact me.

I would really appreciate hearing from you in some way.  Maybe I can help you find some direction or just be a friend who listens.  I'm praying for you, who ever you are.

"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself.  And no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams." ~Paulo Coulho

God Give Me Strength

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"I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much." ~Mother Teresa

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Hello Everyone!  I thought I should explain to my followers and friends why I haven't been blogging, writing or visiting more as of late.   I apologize to you all!  I've had a lot going on in my life recently; with school, work, trying to sell my house; getting ready for two very special graduations this week; and being 'hacked' last week.... well my days have been very full. 

Along with everything else, I've been helping my son who's graduating, pack all of his stuff.  He will be moving far away soon... for a new job and a brand new life.  I am so proud and happy for him; but can you hear the tear drops falling?!! ...'sigh'...

Through all of this I have also been thinking about my own life and what I want.  I'm even pondering some 'life changing' decisions.  This is why I'm praying for God to give me strength and direction.

Mother's day was filled with a mix of emotions including: happiness for my 3 sons; pride for their accomplishments; sadness for another one leaving; laughter from the times we have together; and unconditional love from understanding and accepting each other just the way we are.   There were even 'tears'... because... well I'm a woman and a Mom, with so many thoughts and feelings spinning around inside of me right now.  So I ran the whole gamut yesterday and I have a feeling that was only the beginning for this coming week... ;-) 

Except for my Friday Post, I may be absent from blogging for a while longer.  I will fill everyone in as soon as I can... with pictures of course.  Thank you all for your continued friendship, support and 'virtual' Hugs!!  I love you all more than you know!!   XOXO

God give me the strength and direction to do the right things and make the best decisions. Help me to consider others and not harm or offend anyone in any way. Help me to consult with others before I take any actions that would cause me to be sorry. Help me to not make decisions from fear or guilt. Show me the way of Patience, Tolerance, Kindliness, and Love and help me live the spiritual life of faith, peace and love. AMEN

I hope I give you Strength.....

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“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” ~ Lao Tzu

You may not see me now

But you know that I am here.

You can feel me in your heart

As you enter each new day.

I will always be there for you
because I am your friend.

Someone to share the bad times

As well as the good.

I make no judgments by what you say

I just listen with my heart and

Hope to be of help in anyway I can.
For now I hope I give you strength.

I will be there for you,
whenever you need me.

And always please remember

I really am your friend!
~ Coreen

True friendship isn't seen with the eyes, it is felt with the heart.

When there is trust, understanding, loyalty, and sharing.

True friendship is a rare feeling, but when it is found

It has profound impact on our well-being, strength, and character.

True friendship does not need elaborate gifts

Or spectacular events in order to be valuable or valued.

To ensure long-lasting quality and satisfaction,

True friendship only needs a few key ingredients:

Undying loyalty, unmatched understanding, unsurpassed trust,

Deep, soulful connection, and endless sharing.

These ingredients, mixed with personality and a sense of humor,

Can make a friendship last a lifetime!

- Author Unknown

thingsgodtaughtme.com

I'll Be Here
I cannot ease your aching heart,

Nor take your pain away;

But let me stay and take your hand

And walk with you today.

I'll listen when you need to talk,

I'll wipe away your tears;

I'll share your worries when they come,

I'll help you face your fears.

I'm here and I will stand by you,

On each hill you have to climb;

So take my hand, let's face the world...

And live just one day at a time.

You're not alone, for I'm still here,

I'll go that extra mile;

And when your grief is easier,

I'll help you learn to smile!

- Author Unknown

Meanings ... a poem about believing!

Standing for what you believe in,
Regardless of the odds against you,
and the pressure that tears at your resistance,
... means courage.

Keeping a smile on your face,
When inside you feel like dying,
For the sake of supporting others,
... means strength.

Stopping at nothing,
And doing what's in your heart,
You know is right,
... means determination.

Doing more than is expected,
To make another's life a little more bearable,
Without uttering a single complaint,
... means compassion.

Helping a friend in need,
No matter the time or effort,
To the best of your ability,
... means loyalty.

Giving more than you have,
And expecting nothing,
But nothing in return,
... means selflessness.

Holding your head high,
And being the best you know you can be
When life seems to fall apart at your feet,
Facing each difficulty with the confidence
That time will bring you better tomorrows,
And never giving up,
... means confidence

By : Author Unknown

"I truly believe that compassion provides the basis of human survival." ~ Dalai Lama

"Bravery is believing in yourself, and that thing nobody can teach you." ~ El Cordobes

“Dreams do come true if you keep believing in yourself. Anything is possible.” ~ Jennifer Capriati

"To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe." ~ Anatole France

"Believe in yourself, and the rest will fall into place. Have faith in your own abilities, work hard, and there is nothing you cannot accomplish." ~ Brad Henry

"Sometimes you cannot believe what you see. You have to believe what you feel." ~ Morrie Schwartz

“Believe in yourself. You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face. You must do that which you think you cannot do.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

http://www.endangeredspecieswomen.org/2010/08/12/words-of-wisdom-believe-in-yourself/

 

Living a Lie....

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http://www.myspace.com/herlyingheart97

Have you ever lived a lie?  There was a period in my life where I was.  Although I denied it for a long time.  Then when unhappiness was taking over and consuming my life... I realized that I was living a lie.  However... eventually, as with most lies... the truth came out.  Here is my story:

My ex-husband and I were together for 15 years.  Married for 13 of those.  It had been a very rough ride from the very beginning.  We should had remained friends and raised our son as a team, instead of getting married.  At the time, we both wanted to be a family and 'make things right' we thought. 

I cared about my husband and I feel I was a good wife, while being the best mother I could be.  We all do our best, right?  However I never had that deep, trusting, soul connecting and understanding love that I know I should have had.  Then when things in our marriage continued to be full of turmoil and even abuse... what feelings I had faded until there was nothing left but emptiness and sorrow. 

After a while I felt I was just going through the motions.  Other people looking at me from the 'outside' thought I had a normal, happy family and marriage.  Because for one, I didn't tell anyone anything that was really going on behind closed doors back then.  The truth was... I was far from happy and my marriage was not a loving, trusting, supportive one.  I was living a lie.  Which in a sense was because I would try to care, try hard to make us a happy family, mostly... I would try to love him.  I even said I did .... and every time I felt enormous guilt. 

He wasn't 'all bad' of course... no one is.  He was a good provider financially and took care of things outside of the house; yard and vehicles.  He always allowed me to take care of the boys the way I saw best, taking care of our home the way I wanted, able to stay home with the boys and have a home daycare for extra money... even when he worked nights and had to sleep during the day.  I appreciated my son's dad for those things very, very much and always told him that. 

However, along with feeling no love in my heart and the continued verbal and emotional abuse...  I moved further and further away from feeling anything.  All it seemed he wanted to do was argue and fight... all the time.  Just to get what he wanted and to get it his way.. no matter what.   He didn't care if the kids heard the horribly things he said or if they got in the way.  He could be very manipulative and blamed me for 'making' him mad when I didn't agree with something.

"Love comes when manipulation stops; when you think more about the other person than about his or her reactions to you.” ~ Dr. Joyce Brothers

Somehow the times when things got abusive, were always my fault according to him.  I truly believe that either consciously or subconsciously, he did and said things in front of the kids because he knew how much that upset and even devastated me.  I grew up with my parents fighting most of the time; so it was the 'last' environment I ever wanted for my own children to grow up in.  This was the 'bright red button he pushed' to upset me even more. 

I felt back then that he wanted to fight because he had to have complete control of me.  When I didn't agree with something or didn't want him to do something that I knew he shouldn't, he would start a fight as a way of wearing me down.  Like a child does when they want something their parent has told them 'No' or it's too dangerous.  At times this computer IT professional, school board member and sport ref and coach... could be very immature.  In my opinion at least. 

That last year together I was so tired and so done.  I never wanted to fight, I grew up with that.  And I certainly didn't want to fight anymore in front of my children.  I remember locking my self in the bathroom with the shower running trying to drawn out his yelling, abusive insults and pounding at the door.  While I sat on the floor shaking, crying and praying for him to stop.  I just wanted the fighting to stop! 

Realistic or not, I would like to live the rest of my life without ever 'fighting' again.  I know I will never live in a situation where or with someone who wants to fight or has to get their way all the time.  That's not realistic or normal.  Life is too short to be so unhappy... let alone be in an abusive and/or loveless relationship.

Which brings me to what ended up being the hardest time for me at the end of my marriage.  It was telling my husband that I didn't love him anymore. That he had killed whatever feelings I had had for him.  There was no 'unconditional love'  from either of us by that point.  So I felt I needed to be honest, for both my own conscious and to lay the foundation for my wanting a divorce.

"Life is too short not to love and be loved!!  Nor not to be in a great loving relationship with someone who not only brings out the best in you... but also fills your heart and soul with happiness!" ~ Me...

At first, he would not 'accept' how I felt or didn't feel.  Then he refused to, or couldn't, accept that it was because of anything that he did.  He decided that there must be someone else.  What??!!  I would have had the time, energy, self-esteem for that...When?!  No... I barely had the emotional balance to get up in the morning by then and all the energy I had through out the day was trying to keep my job and take care of my sons.  I was so drained and again so done!  In fact I was told later that I was 'cold' and wasn't trying anymore. 

Well, I thought.. he's right, I wasn't trying anymore.. because I had and nothing had changed.  I was done.  Maybe that is why I seemed cold, because I was finally done.  I think that is the emotional calm when you are ready and need to take care of things and more on.  Mostly for yourself, but in my situation I needed to also move on for my sons.  The fighting and yelling had never been good for them and my youngest was being pulled in as a pawn, I felt.  That was probably my breaking point when I realized just how much damage was being done to my children.

"Many times people stay in bad or loveless marriages because of the fear of the 'unknown' and because at least is has a sense of familiarity. Some people feel that is better than nothing.  I would rather be alone and happy, than to be with someone whom I'm not happy with." ~ Me..

Finally, over time, I got stronger and less afraid of leaving. Less afraid of the 'unknown', the financial realities and less afraid of his threats... what he would or wouldn't do.  He could be very unpredictable and obviously out of control at times.

I was also becoming much more confident in my self.  Confident that I could take care of my boys and that I could stand up to whatever lies he would say later in court, or what dramas he would cause or play out in the small community in which we not only lived, but also both of us grew up in.  That is when I was so ready to have peace in my life and home.  I was finally able to let myself be just a little be selfish and think a little bit about myself for once in regards to my own happiness.   

I always put my children first or consider what any decision, one way or the other, would effect my children.  It was hard for me not to... that is the type of parent I am. They were always my main concern and responsibility.  However in the end, I felt that I had to finally think about myself, and my own happiness at least a little bit.. to do what I needed to do.  Otherwise, I may have never left or been truly happy with my life.. ever. 

I don't regret trying though.  Not at all.  I can honestly say that I did try and anyone who knew me then knows that.  Even my ex-husband realizes that now.  After all these years we finally get along... although apart.  Letting go of the past and forgiving releases us, which allows us to move forward into a better life.

I've known many people in the same situation... where a tiny bit of selfishness and a little bit of concern for their own happiness... would actually do them a great deal of good.  However I understand first hand how hard that is for those with the heart and character that put their children first (like I have).  I respect and understand what they are going through and love those persons so very much... for who they are. I understand!

Many people never make that decision.  The decision that life is too short to live in an unhappy home or be in a loveless marriage.  This is the reason I now write and tell these personal stories of my own life.  In the hope of giving strength, encouragement and  the belief that any situation can get better.  That we can all get stronger, heal, grow, have a better life and above all Be Happy!  We all deserve to be happy!

“This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, Love to complete your life.” ~ Quote from Thinkexist.com

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Manipulative People: Covert Aggressive Personality Disorder